Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged work
Seminars for the Rich Modern Executive
Part of being successful is knowing how to correctly educate yourself with the skills needed for your profession.
Here are ten new seminars specifically targeted at the young rich modern executive.
- The twits guide to Twitter ~
- Strategic Business Communication in the Rest Room ~
- Business Writing Essentials for the Illiterate and other upper class brats. ~
- Effective Conflict Management during Business Lunches – Which hors d’oeuvres are right for your career. ~
- The Meaning of Money – What actually happens when you pass over your platinum card at Saxs Fifth Ave. ~
- How to insult a waiter in 12 languages. ~
- The net worth of a network. ~
- How to dig your own moat and be the More >
Half the world
Half the world make ridiculous faces while riding the elevator
The other half are too busy mining in their pockets
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Half the world are patient enough to wait for the hand dryer to completely dry their hands.
The other half live the wet look.
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Half the world wouldn’t be caught dead in an Asian restaurant without chopsticks
The other half don’t give a damn and manage with a spoon.
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Half the world still think Paul McCartney’s dead
The other half are still looking for Elvis.
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Half the world have tried the watch The Wizard of Oz backed with the soundtrack of The Dark Side of the Moon
The other half have no idea at all More >
Yesterday and Today
Yesterday
Dianna woke up to the alarm clock and got out of bed slowly. After showering she went down stairs where she partook of a small healthy breakfast of orange juice, ham and eggs on toast and freshly brewed coffee. She took the 8:10 train to work which as usual was late. Dianna worked at a midtown office along with thirty other girls in the typing pool. Her day was made up of taking dictations and typing letters on her new electric Remington typewriter. After work she took the train home, late again, picked up her mail from her mailbox, three More >
You know you need a vacation when…
You Know you really need a vacation when
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— you kiss the dog before leaving the house for work and your wife refuses to bark.
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— your tan is so pale that people in the street mistake you for the snowman.
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— you are spending so much time in the office that the cleaning lady regularly vacuums your ears.
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— you don’t remember the names of your kids but are sure you have some tucked away somewhere.
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— you’ve started calling your mother-in-law boss!
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— the last movie you saw was in black and white.
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— your folks want to visit you ask them to make an appointment with More >
Anger Management
A while ago I wrote a couple of posts about stress management. Recently I received the following story in the mail that had been lifted from the web. Although I can’t find the origin of this story, it is too good not to share. If you know who wrote it, please inform me and I will give proper credit.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, But you know deserves it. I was sitting More >
Rational Equations
The audience of freshman gathered in the auditorium for the opening lecture of the ”Introduction to Higher Mathematics” course was full of expectation. Most were sure they had heard it all before, having been drilled from early elementary school in the art of number munching. There were a lot of giggles in the crowd, especially after one student shared some background about the visiting lecturer from Poland who had spent several years working in the local zoo.
When Professor Graham Khent stood up to face his students for the first time, however, there was a moment of silence and then uncontrollable More >
Stormy Weather
There’s a storm exploding in my coffee And I can’t seem to see past my nose. Things are never what they seem Even when you add the cream And the ravens that I spy are only crows. I wake up in the night to the disturbance of the light That is gleaming from the right side of my head. I am floating on a cloud Above a more than rowdy crowd Someone tell me if it’s something that I said.
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I may have a little too much saki Or maybe it was the seventh jug of beer The music’s far to loud I’m sure that Mary’s far from proud So please disconnect the speakers from More >
10 new work laws we’d like to see
“All work and no play” well I think it’s time to put a n end to all that. Here are ten ways to do it:
- After a holiday or office party someone automatically brings a double dose of espresso to your desk and no sly remarks about a possible hangover are allowed. -
- If your boss pisses you off twice in one week you are granted an immediate, paid one day vacation -
- Coffee served at work must not taste like some mixture put together by one of the witches from Macbeth. -
- If you are forced you work in open-space, if you have More >
The Phone Revolution
There was a time that I remembered all the phone numbers of my friends and family. Given a moment’s thought I could even remember the number of my doctor’s surgery and my plumber. Today I know none of these numbers, in fact I barely know my own mobile number, and I only know that because I have to keep giving it out. Have we become brain dead. If we move on in this fashion, will people start wearing invisible computerized name chips that your mind will automatically pick up and save you the necessity of remembering the name of that More >
You know you’re in Japan when
- The worst dressed manager at work is also the most senior – no he’s not the janitor! -
- A meeting will never ever end before the scheduled time, even if they have to go over the issues a third time to achieve this. -
- They turn out all the office lights at 12:00 P.M. sharp to save energy during the lunch hour. -
- Those employees who don’t do out for lunch sleep at their desks till the lights come on again. -
- The first slide in every presentation is numbered zero and the ground floor is the first floor. -
- The chairs in the meeting More >
The Death of Redemption
I met the messiah on an overcast morn While we both stood in line for the dole. Frostbite nights in his carton on Montegue St. Had visibly taken their toll. Still, the smile that he gave me promised some hope As we shared a cold throwaway “Remember son, that the game must be won before you reach the end of day”. —– I didn’t see him the following week Though I thought that I once heard his voice. I started work as a fast food temp I didn’t really have any choice. A glimpse of a smile on a hamburger More >
Work Signs or Sins
Signs found at the work place
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
How to become rich without really trying
The quickest way to achieving a fast fortune
1. Start a startup that pushes a technological concept that nobody truly understands. 2. Create a colorful Power Point presentation fun of buzzwords, technical jargon and embedded video clips. 3. Call a press conference 4. Tell a leading newspaper reporter that the rumors that Google are about to buy you out are totally unfounded. 5. Sell the startup to Apple or Microsoft for half a billion dollars and options. 6. Buy a villa facing the sea in the Caribbean after retiring at the ripe old age of twenty two.
© 2010 Steve Taite. All More > 
Office Romance
Monday morning You’re still yawning Waiting for the news. Another week Of hide and seek Heading off the blues. The boss is late Isn’t that great? Maybe there’s still hope. The sec’ in reception Is painting her complexion, Perhaps she’ll agree to elope. —————- Tuesday barely counts It jumps right in quite unannounced Like a hangover when you swear you didn’t drink. Your projects really overdue. The client say they’ll surely sue It seems career wise you’re speed sailing down the sink. The secretary smiles As she hands you twenty files And you wonder if to ask her for a date. But More >
Rich Man Poor Man – Is being rich all that it’s cut out to be?
Rich is not all it’s cut out to be. Being rich can be really hard. You don’t believe me? Well here are a few examples.
Mornings
Poor: Doesn’t need to get up till twelve. It’s not as if he has a job to go to.
Working Class: Gets up, kisses his wife, takes the broken-down station wagon to the station and reads Newsday while commuting to work.
Rich: Every morning starts with decisions. Gets up, kisses the young starlet he picked up last night whose name escapes him, then has to decide which car to take to the office. The forecast promises sunshine, which More >
The non scheduled landing
My friend Pete was flying home from a long conference. The weather was hysterical, heavy storms and an oncoming tornado threat. Even so, it came as quite a surprise when the flight captain suddenly announced that due to severe weather conditions the plane would have to make a non scheduled landing at Witchwotwhere Airport, 5 miles North of Pitts City. After landing, Pete was informed that there would be no planes out of there that night and that he should try and find a room at a local hotel.
Pitts City has only one hotel and when Pete reached the front More >
Quitting Your Job Online
I don’t usually plug other sites, trying to keep tor original stuff on my blog, but when I linked to this post from Brazen Careerist I knew I had to share this with you. The post shows how a girl quits her job by using a dry erase board and her office email. She send the complete package of 33 photos to the entire office staff. I’m sure she will find a new job real fast with all the buzz she’s getting by now. Here are a few pictures from the mail but for the complete and really great story check More >
If IT Projects were run by Militant Groups
It was a normal Monday morning. Well that is ’till 10:00 A.M. when Larry and I were ushered into the board room. The chairman of the board and several other managers were already seated and two men in dark black suits whom I failed to recognize. “Good Morning Gentlemen”, opened the chairman and I immediately noticed that none of the female managers were present. “I have called this meeting to announce a few changes to the firm. Firstly, as a result of a hostile takeover, the company is now part of the Salam Medina Overseas Investment Group.”
Suddenly without warning one More >
10 Reasons to work for the Mafia (and 1 reason why not)
10 reasons to work for the mafia
1. You got an offer you couldn’t refuse 2. Their lunch room is to die for 3. What other job boasts a uniform designed by Versache?
4. The have their own bank and you don’t have to pay commissions.
5. You get a great discount on Vegas hotel rooms.
6. They have a great tax exemption program.
7. You get to dine with politicians.
8. You can have a mistress and a wife and nobody complains.
9. Because it’s a more respected profession than being a lawyer.
10. You don’t need a college degree, a first degree will do fine.
Reason More >
10 Signs that Your Boss is a Werewolf
A story about an American Werewolf
Some realisations take a while to sink in. Such was the case with Chuck Lobison. We were first introduced to him during a late June, Monday morning, staff meeting. The freak thunderstorm outside that had brought traffic to a standstill should have given us a clue as to what was to follow. Silly us. We all blamed the global warning. Who could of guessed.
Larry was his usual happy self. I took this to be the result of his recent separation and the fact that he was now shacking up in a mid-town loft with a More >
