Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged shop
Husband Sitting
affiliate program
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“You don’t spend enough with me. You promised me more quality time.”
It was 7 A.M. and I was only half way through my toasted bagel and hadn’t even reached the sports page yet. Doesn’t she know by now that breakfast is not the time for conversation. How can I make small talk with George and Jerry at the office if I don’t even know who won the game last night. But try explaining that to your spouse.
“O.K. luv, Saturday I’m all yours.” I replied. I was even considerate enough to look up from the paper for a minute while saying More >
affiliate program
O.K. so I may be a dying species, actually I am a dying species but lets not get into that here. So many things have disappeared from the world or been reinvented during the last couple of years to make the gems of my youth seem to be historic artifacts. With the global youth movement to computer games (that sounds like a political party doesn’t it?) I suppose it was only natural that the Monopoly shoehorn would find itself animated in the mobile version of the game. I used to love counting the paper money and hoarding the red More >
The Mall to end all Malls
Dear shoppers, welcome to The Mall that is Bigger and Better than all the Other Malls ® Mall. Because we are The Mall that is Bigger and Better than all the Other Malls Mall, we are happy to provide you with a complimentary mall survival kit (deposit necessary of course, and no, we don’t accept small kids under the age of five as deposits even if the are named Dennis). The survival kit includes a special GPS to help you get around the mall. At any time code in the first three letters of the store or restaurant you want to visit and we More >
Confessions of a Male Shopaholic Fan
O.K. before you get the wrong impression. I am not a shopaholic. I don’t spend all my free time in the mall buying clothes I won’t wear and have yet to meet a guy who does (well perhaps except for Martin who is gay and a cross dresser, but I won’t get into that here). Anyway where was I? Oh yes the shopaholic. Well One day a friend of mine (female) said she had this book I should read and handed me a copy of Shopaholic and Baby. Now if you’ve seen the cover of Shopaholic and Baby, or for More >
100 Things to do when you’re Bored
1. Write a list of things to do when you are bored. 2. Count the number of peope who die in Avatar (see The BodyCounters ) 3. Write down ten positive things about your mother-in-law 4. Play solitaire on your computer, blindfolded. 5. Drive your car to work blindfolded (only for the really reckless) 6. Sing all the songs on all the Beatle albums in descending chronological order. 7. Sit in the park with a Reuben sandwich and rate all the males or females who pass you by. 8. Buy a goldfish and stare at it for hours until you get More >
The Taite Guide to Gift Shops
Museums were first invented in Paris, France by Jean Paul Yurr Hedoff in 1789. Jean was employed by Doctor Joseph-Ignace Guillotin as a cleaner upper or as they called it in those days a nettoyeur de têtes. It was Jean’s job to clean up the mess after a Guillotine. The poor man found that after a few weeks he had quite a collection of disembodied heads and blood stained clothing and a growing crowd of visitors who wanted to see the artifacts for themselves. So it happened that Jean, behind the back of his employer and the authorities, opened his house to paying vistors and aptly named More >
Shop Till You Drop
She never wears the same skirt twice
She lives on diet coke.
She’s the crowned queen of the shopping mall
Who doesn’t see it as a joke.
On payday morn she wakes at dawn
She’s not like other folk.
By 6 P.M. she’s shopped and shopped
Once again she’s truly broke
Her fridge s quite a no mans land
While she overflows in shoes.
If clothes contained more vitamins
She’d be as perky as Tom Cruise.
They tell her it’s obsessive
Just like cigarettes and booze.
Maybe they’re right, ’cause on shopless nights
She comes down with the blues.
Trendy Tina, Reckless Rita,
Fashion Freak Fionna.
They never drink the local beer
But will settle for Corona.
They shop in pairs More >
The Dinner Party Part 2
A new British survey reveals that 57% of the people interviewed find throwing a dinner party puts them under more stress than going to work. Further findings show that 44% of the population believe giving such a party is frightening than a visit to the dentist. “I don’t want to”, was my initial reaction to the idea, “I work hard enough during the week as it is. I need a rest.” “Oh come on, it will be fun. If you don’t entertain how will have any friends?” As usual I was outnumbered, it was two against one (my wife is More >
It’s stupendous, it’s tremendous, it’s a supermarket!
Once upon a time supermarkets were small enough they didn’t necessitate a GPS.
I remember as a kid walking through the West End of London and coming upon a small store pretending to be holding an auction.
If you buy this pocket camera for a tenner I’ll throw in six bars of chocolate, a transistor radio (remember them?), two packs of cards, a vegetable shredder and an oversized teddy bear.
.Modern supermarkets try to offer a similar fantasy.
The supers of yesterday are now mega, jumbo, giant stores, some the size of a small republic. True if you search hard enough they More >
