Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged romance
The Future of Sales
They all lined up at the entrance,
Five hundred and a score.
The queue that started hours before,
Now circled round the score.
It was the first Saturday of January,
And some were looking rather pale.
But none would dream of leaving now,
Ten minutes before the sale.
—
The showroom was completely filled
With all the shapes and sizes.
For those outside in the freezing cold,
They were offering great prizes.
Women, girls and hopeful grans
All waited at the gate.
At the chime of nine
They all left the line
And ran in to buy a mate.
—
The Hubby sale comes but once a year.
It is the best time to make a catch.
After courting went ill
And More >
The Song Behind the Meaning
An ageing rock star, whom I shall call Rick, was having a hard time finding subjects to write about for his new album. When he was a poor artist struggling for recognition, the whole pale world around him was his palette. Now fame riches and far too much booze had left him lacking. Sitting on the bank of the stream at the edge of his garden estate he tried to find something to write about. A frog jumped out from behind him, giving him a stir. The frog seemed equally shocked and jumped away in a hurry, disappearing into the More >
What not to take on your honeymoon
1. Your ex wife (even if she does look like Pamela Anderson).
2. Bridget Jones’ panties.
3. Travel scrabble
4. Your mother
5. Your mother-in-law (even if she’s sexier than your ex-wife)
6. Your three kids from your previous marriage who your future wife swears she adores but has secret plans to send to a boarding school at an island off the coast of New Zealand.
7. Your school homework. Your future husband, twenty years your senior, will be happy to help you catch up when you get back.
8. Your pet Labrador Joe who is very affectionate but might get the wrong idea when he finds himself More >
50 things not to say on a first date
1. I’d take you back to my place but they don’t allow women on C-block.
2. McDonald’s is usually a splurge for me but I guess it’s important to impress on the first date.
3. Excuse me being a little bitchy but it’s that time of the month.
4. I don’t really go much for alcohol, I’m more of a blood guy.
5. I don’t want to hurry you, or anything, but I left the kids with the sitter and she charges by the hour.
6. I am really supportive of the women’s rights movement and religiously believe that the girl should pick up the tab for the More >
What women really want
~~~
Some men think they understand women and what women really want. Here is the proof that us men know nothing.~~~
Janet, Mary and Samantha were sitting together at the downtown Steamboat Willie Sportsbar enjoying their after-work Margeritas when a tall, exceptionally handsome, well built middle-aged guy walks in. The guy, whom we will call Travis, was so stunning that Janet couldn’t keep her eyes off him.
Travis, being the well adjusted, easy go lucky type who pertained to know a thing or two about the opposite sex did what any well adjusted, horny man in his situation would do, he removed his More >
Great reasons to split up:
For your information I'm gay, I'm moving in with an incredibly sexy blonde bisexual starlet, the kids aren't actually yours and for that matter neither is the dog. The original Rex got run over by a speeding truck three years ago. So much for your attention span!
After meeting BigJohn7447_2 from Idaho you're not really sure what you expected, but definitely not this.
"I just checked you out on Facebook. How come you're so pally with the 74 ex boyfriends from high school that are still in contact with you?"
You snore to the tune of the American national anthem and I'm a patriotic Brit.
You More > 
The Sexiest Stare in the World
If stares could kill this guy would surely be put behind bars. This video isn’t in English, but who cares. No he’s not available for private lessons as far as I know.
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10 Sure signs that your on-line relationship isn’t going to work
SHE 1. Your guy has to quickly sign off because his mother has come home early and he hasn’t finished his homework. 2. Your guy goes by the name of Thor the Invincible 3. You have yet to have a meaningful conversation wherein the guy opposite you is fully clothed (or even partially clothed) 4. Your guy repeatedly calls you his Mama. 5. Your guy has to quickly sign off as they are reassigning his cell.
HE 1. Your girl is simultaneously chatting with you and the drummer from Guns and Roses. 2. Your girl’s name is Lola. 3. She can’t More >
The History of Dating
The Caveman Era – the first date
He: Uggh
She: Uggh yourself
He bangs her over head and drags her into the cave. Date over!
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Romeo and Juliet Romeo [To Juliet] If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. JULIET [to her nurse] I swear, I don’t understand a word he says but isn’t he the cutest thing on two legs you’ve ever seen? I could do him in a minute. Really he’s to die for!
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The Hassidic First Date
Rabbi: (to the man) More >
Ten Worst Honeymoon Vacation Ideas: Where NOT to Spend Your Honeymoon
1. A trip to Disneyland with your four hormone tense, teenage daughters (from first marriage,) his five horny, teenage monsters (from first, second and third marriages) who have been educated solely on American Pie rerun, and a dog named Killer who nobody admits to owning.
2. Colombia – they may steal the bride (read more about their favourite pastime). I do hear, however, that they have reduced rates for pensioners so you might consider sending your mother-in-law.
3. At The Bellingshausen Research Station in Antartica – However romantic you might think the idea is, remember we’re talking about high temperatures of -15 degrees and that’s More >
Office Romance
Monday morning You’re still yawning Waiting for the news. Another week Of hide and seek Heading off the blues. The boss is late Isn’t that great? Maybe there’s still hope. The sec’ in reception Is painting her complexion, Perhaps she’ll agree to elope. —————- Tuesday barely counts It jumps right in quite unannounced Like a hangover when you swear you didn’t drink. Your projects really overdue. The client say they’ll surely sue It seems career wise you’re speed sailing down the sink. The secretary smiles As she hands you twenty files And you wonder if to ask her for a date. But More >
Please Don’t Send me Flowers
For all the men who can’t seem to find the right birthday or anniversary present. With apologies to Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond who sang Marilyn and Alan Bergman’s You don’t Bring me Flowers on which this cover is based.
She: Please don’t send me flowers. Please don’t buy me jewelry Please don’t write me any more love songs Where you tell me I’m lovely again and again. Please don’t buy me chocolate Forget about balloon bouquets Find something original that you haven’t done yet You’re repetitive love games are becoming a pain.
He: I’ve had enough of birthdays, And yearly anniversaries. I’m More >
