Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged old age
Falling to Pieces
I’m falling to pieces I’m falling apart My brain’s gone out trekking Without taking my heart. My eyes just won’t focus On anything but soap I’m no longer brave or beautiful And finding it hard just to cope. - My toenails are a disaster And my hair is almost gone. My eyebrows rebel righteously And by left leg is quite numb. My hearing is embarrassing I need glasses just to pee. And don’t ask me with whom I went last night Ain’t got the faintest idea who that could be. - I’m breaking up, limb by limb Like a Lego More >
10 Reasons Why Getting Old is Fun
1. You no longer have to brush your hair (what hair?)
2. You no longer have to brush your teeth (what teeth?)
3. Your wife no longer drives you crazy about your pot belly (what wife? I have a wife?)
4. You get to travel cheaply on public transport (but it’s such a hassle to use that you’d prefer to stay at home and watch T.V.)
5. You now have time to watch all those T.V. programs always wanted to see but missed, but now you can’t remember what they were.
6. You can finally act your age – well actually more More >
Sixty Years Young
I used to think 60 years old people were ancient, one foot in the grave, over the hill. Things have changed since then (including millions of covers of Lennon / McCartney’s When I’m 64). As I celebrate the last moments of being 59 I realize that I don’t feel old, I don’t act old and apart from having very little hair on my head I don’t actually look old. Oldish maybe but old – no way.
One of the things that seem to hit you towards sixty is nostalgia. You start rereading the literature of your youth and surprise, surprise a More >
Death of an Angel
For Anat – you will be deeply missed
Sometimes you take for granted, that what was still will be. Sometimes you hide behind the mist and refuse to let yourself see. Most times you don’t understand and want to shout out loud But when you face reality you’re sinking in a cloud.
- – - – -
Some people suffer sorrow and then they suffer pain. Some fight and fight and don’t give up, though there’s nothing left to gain. Somewhere there is meaning, but I really don’t know where. I wish someone could answer me how such a case is fair.
- – More >
The Unemployed Bank Robber
The Time: 2010
The Place: Central New York Unemployment Office
Conversation overheard between unemployment office employee and tall unemployed middle-aged man.
—
“Please state your full name.”
“John Doe”
“Sir, is that your real name?”
“No, actually I’m Sean Connery, I use the other name to avoid confusion.”
“Oh a comedian.”
“No actually an unemployed bank robber.”
“O.K. Mr. Doe Connery, what’s your story?”
“Well you see miss, it’s a new era, and bank robberies are not what they used to be. I give you an example, right? I was casing down this joint, down on Lower East Side, Lofty was in the car and I did the inside job. I More >
Super Heroes Pensioners: How not to grow old gracefully
In my post Super Hero Home Services I dealt with the pressing problem of fnding work for unemployed Super Heroes. Just as the Seinfeld cast got together again at Yada Yada Pastures, there will come a time when Super Heroes start showing their age. Talented cartoonist Donald Soffritti seems to know what I am talking about. Here is a selection of his work.
Spiderman
Thor
The Human Torch
Superman and belly
Aquaman
Wonder Women
The Flash
Supergirl (or perhaps Superhag!)
The Hulk
Codgerland: The Ultimate Amusement Park for Senior Citizens.
Codgerland
Telephone recording : Welcome to CodgerLand Reservations Services – the amusement park for senior citizens. For English information please press 1,for Spanish press 2, for Yiddish press 3, to speak to a live person press 4
Caller: 1. T: La Bienvenida a Codgerland
C: Hey I pressed 1.
T: An parque de atracciones
C: 1.
T: La Bienvenida a Codgerland
C: 111111111
T: An parque de atracciones
C: Hey you guys. I pressed one. T: Una experiencia incredible
C: 0
T: Welcome to CodgerLand Reservations Services – the amusement park for senior citizens. For English information please press 1,for Spanish press 2, for Yiddish press 3, to speak to a live person press 9.
C: 9
T: We don’t recognize your choice. For More >
Superhero Home Services
“Times have changed. Once the superheroes were megastars. You couldn’t touch them, real snobs, like. Then a couple of my fiends friends, wellknown bank managers, succeeded in turning the tables. In 2009 superheroes everywhere found themselves jobless. This was just the opportunity I was waiting for and I pounced to form $$$ S.S.S.(Superhero Specialized Services). Now I am able to make you an offer you can’t refuse. I can help you make your home shine, quieten your kids, rid you of rodents . One call and we will send you the Super Hero of your choice to help you with your chores. Every More >
Yada Yada Pastures, The Seinfeld Spin-off: Seinfeld 40 years on
Seinfeld, the sitcom to end all sitcoms, ran from July 5, 1989 – May 14, 1998 screening 180 episodes starring Jerry, Kramer George and Elaine.who missed the pilot. For years there has been a huge public outcry for a reunion, a movie and a return of the series. A sort of reunion was recently orchestrated by Larry David, but the audience worldwide wants more. What has been hidden from the public and media alike is the fact that there are several spin-offs that never made it to prime timer. Here, for the first time anywhere, I am pleased to reveal some More >
