Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged office
Quitting Your Job Online
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I don’t usually plug other sites, trying to keep tor original stuff on my blog, but when I linked to this post from Brazen Careerist I knew I had to share this with you. The post shows how a girl quits her job by using a dry erase board and her office email. She send the complete package of 33 photos to the entire office staff. I’m sure she will find a new job real fast with all the buzz she’s getting by now. Here are a few pictures from the mail but for the complete and really great story More >
Aliens for Neighbours: How to spot Co-Workers from Another Planet
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It all started with a nightmare brought on by an overdose of chocolate, beer and late night horror movies. The dream started off normally enough. Getting up, eating breakfast, commuting to work. Then I noticed something peculiar. Something about my co-workers didn’t seem kosher. Was it the fact that the doorman’s skin was a bright green, or that our secretary was finding it difficult to hide her middle leg. Only a dream you say, but then when the real me made it to work the following morning, it was a different matter entirely.
Ever since the U.S. Government released the More >
How to Get Fired in 5 Days
Jan Janson was an expert at everything. He could read computer dumps in his sleep (and often did), produced perfect code, was always ahead of his deadline and magically produced wonderful cafe latte from the office coffee machine. He was popular with the girls, admired by the men and a perfect candidate for management. That was before he decided to get fired and leave for a better position with the competition. It is not easy to get fired when you are the perfect employee but Janson went at it with a vengeance. He was well aware that if he quit More >
Stress Management
Project Management, as some of you out there might know, is a job for masochists. Basically you volunteer to be a punching bag for every senior manager in the firm and, to boot, you, must smile through it all and try and motivate the poor bastards working under you who bash it out for 18 hours a day.
To help reduce the everyday stress, and make my life more livable, I have adopted several stress management routines that I have learned to perform over the years at seminars.
To help start my day in a serene fashion, I perform the following routine More >
Alex in Blunderland
Alex in Blunderland
Alex works for Queen Features Inc which is situated on 472 Main Street on the 54th floor. Alex is middle management and has been for five years now. Alex’s prospects are not too promising. He is half way up the ladder but can’t seem to get any higher. Every day, Alex gets up at 7:10 A.M., showers, brushes the twelve hairs that hang over his forehead, eats a toasted bagel with cheese, drinks a cup of tasteless brewed warm coffee and commutes to work. Alex wears a Blue-tooth earphone ornamentally on his right ear and a single earring in More >
Computers on Strike: the day my computer ran away
I woke up in the morning with a jerk. Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones. It was the wife, kicking me from below the blanket. I must have been snoring again. I had again had the reoccurring nightmare where a twenty foot blue skinned girl with a tail had taken possession of my blog and left me sixty odd, empty Guinness cans in payment,which she assured me were more valuable than diamonds where she came from. I ran downstairs to the kitchen to get my morning dose of caffeine. I even managed to avoid tripping over More >
Missing Secretaries:Where have they disappeared to?
My morning started with a pneumatic drill working on the left side of my forehead. No it had nothing to do with the party I had attended the night before or the two, alright three beers I had consumed. I had been trying to get Marge on the phone for twenty minutes to inform her that I was sick and wouldn’t be coming in to work. Eventually I got an answer.
“Larry Pitar here, how can I help you?”
“Hey Larry, it’s Steve. I was trying to get to Marge and inform her that I am sick and won’t be in today.”
“Marge More >
Yet Another Thursday Monday
Sometimes in the morning I wake up and there’s no dawn and I find nobody warned me Of my fate. I get up with no alarm And try so hard to remain calm But in my heart I fear of harm If I am late.
Yet another Thursday Monday When I dream of the return of Sunday And I pray to God that someday, one day All this will change. But for now I’m really rushed for Tuesday. That’s my life, in a very much abused way Counting minutes till I’m touching Friday And all my life will rearrange.More >
The World’s Most Difficult Jobs: Marty The Parking Attendant
Marty has had the same job for almost fifteen years. Marty is a parking attendant for a large pharmaceutical plant. When he finally passes on to the next life he is guaranteed a position at the Pearly Gates for it is Marty who checks your credentials each morning and decides whether your car can enter the heavenly free employee parking lot or be banished to the hellish overpriced pay lot across the road. If Marty finds you worthy he presses once on the buzzer he holds in his right hand and the gate magically swings open and beckons you in. More >
The Global Warning at the Office: Central Air isn’t all it’s cut out to be
It was a particularly cold Wednesday morning. The forecast for heavy snow had proved incorrect, for a change, but it was bitter cold. I was late for work, the train got derailed, yet again. As I entered the office I noticed noticed Pat sitting at her desk wearing gloves and a cashmere scarf.“Central air has gone havoc again.” She explained.“Did you call for Sam?”“No, I’m in practice for the trip to Antarctica. Of course I called Sam. He promised he’d come up after he’d finished down at accounts. They’re experiencing a heat wave. “The Central Air-conditioning System is one of More >
5 Work Colleagues I would gladly send off on the maiden voyage of Titanic II
At every workplace you find them, they make your life hell, bring you to tears and force you to double your average caffein intake. Here is my list of the top five candidates at work I’d recommend for the maiden voyage of Titanic II.
1. Indecisive Dennis.
“Dennis, I need to know how much a green and yellow monthly progress chart will cost.” “I’ll get back to you Steve, I’ll just run it past Peter.” “When will I get an answer?” “It depends on my priorities. Let me ask Marcia.” “Fancy a quick coffee.” “Emmmm.” “O.K. no More >How to make the worst presentation of all time: A beginners guide
Larry was standing in my cubicle when I arrived at work on that fatal Monday morning and I knew it meant trouble. He had that slick, devious smile across his face that meant head for the hills, danger zone ahead.“I’m leaving on Thursday for that conference in Hong Kong”“What conference in Hong Kong”“Doesn’t matter, the point is, you have to cover for me.”“No problem Larry, it’s not as if anything important is scheduled for the next seven days. The big turnover isn’t due for a month.”“Yes, that’s true. You will have to take care of the presentation though.”My face More >
The Three Day Work Week: Why settle for Four?
The great depression of 2008-2009 helped renew the discussion over a possible move to a four day work week. A year ago Utah authorities announced an experiment cutting off a full workday for most state employees by closing on Fridays in an effort to reduce energy costs. The revolution here was that salaries and work hours weren’t cut. Employees continued working 40 hours a day by starting earlier and staying later. The perk was that on Friday they could lay in, didn’t need to commute and had a long three day weekend to look forward to. The results of the twelve month More >
How I Deleted all my Emails and Regained my Sanity
It all started one morning when Larry came marching into Loraine’s cubicle. “Lor, we’re expanding your room.” Loraine, an overweight, brown haired, computer junkie found it hard to hide her excitement. “It’s about time.” she answered brightly. “Yes, they’re coming to take away your closets at 1600 hours today. After that time your room will look much bigger. There’s a dumpster that you can garbage over there.’ “Hey, I mean, what do I do with all my stuff?” “Company orders. Paperless” replied Larry and left as quickly as he had appeared. My laughter must have been pretty verbal as Brigadier More >
A Politically Correct Christmas Party
With thanks to Frances for this one
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources DirectorTO: All EmployeesDATE: October 1, 2009RE: Gala Christmas Party I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols.. feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will
be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees More >
National Truth Day at the Office: It’s time to tell it as it is.
Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.
Truth is Heavy. That’s why few care to carry it.
Every so often you go to work knowing that today will be different. It might be because it is the eve of the New Years party or casual day or even secretary day. Around the globe they have come up with some interesting work days such as Britain’s Wrong Trousers Day in which the participants each pay a pound to be able to wear outlandish trousers to work, the money More >
The herd mentality or how I gave up counting Margaritas
I’m standing on the curb waiting for the walk sign. About twenty other pedestrians of varied sizes and pigmentation are patiently waiting beside me. Now there are no cars in sight and I know that if I cross now at least half of these law abiding citizens next to me will cheerfully follow suit. A few years back I spent a few months running a tourist restaurant. A tourist restaurant is a place where buses of tourist groups are huddled in and out, fed with mediocre food and persuaded to buy stupid souvenirs, all in less than thirty minutes.
What the More >
