Best humor blog for everyday life
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The Difference between Japan and China
China and Japan originate from the same culture and background but boy are they different today.
1. In Japan cars usually stop at a red traffic light. In China all drivers are color blind.
- 2. Japan is famous for its clean and efficient toilets with electronic controls. In China bring your own toilet paper and hold your breath.
- 3. In Japan women spend a whole months wages in order to purchase a genuine Gucci bag. In China genuine ???
- 4. In Japan the three most popular food chains are McDonalds Starbucks and Kentucky Fried Chicken. In China the three most popular More >
Life’s Truths
Life’s truths are all around us. You only have to look at a neighborhood billboard to be enlightened.
Here is the truth, the whole truth and, well you know the rest.
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© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
10 Ways to Win an Oscar
1. Produce a movie that takes place in an insane asylum with s Meryl Streep, Dustin Hoffman, Jack Nicholson and Nicole Kidman as the inmate who is allergic to keeping her clothes on.
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2. Play a homosexual politician who has undergone a sex change, was abused by his crack addicted mother yet still manages to get elected for president even though he is black and half Jewish. And yes if your name is Jamie Fox that helps too.-
3. Commit suicide or better still killed in a freak airplane accident. Hollywood loves a sad story. Of course you may have trouble More >
10 Reasons Why Getting Old is Fun
1. You no longer have to brush your hair (what hair?)
2. You no longer have to brush your teeth (what teeth?)
3. Your wife no longer drives you crazy about your pot belly (what wife? I have a wife?)
4. You get to travel cheaply on public transport (but it’s such a hassle to use that you’d prefer to stay at home and watch T.V.)
5. You now have time to watch all those T.V. programs always wanted to see but missed, but now you can’t remember what they were.
6. You can finally act your age – well actually more More >
Japanese Hospitals v Western Hospitals – find the differences!
Over the past year I have written about many different and colorful experiences of a foreigner living in Japan. About a week ago I found it necessary to be admitted to hospital (I am fine now, thank you for asking). So I had ample opportunity to compare the hospital here to ones I had visited before for one reason or another. -
Japanese Hospital Food
© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are More >
Weird Reading – the strangest books you’ll find to read on Amazon
Amazon has become the new world library with literally millions of reading options.
Along with 273,000 Bible topics and 71,000+ options for Shakespeare there are some pretty weird books on it’s shelves. Here are a few for your reading pleasure.
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* The Zen of Farting - ”A book about the spiritual lessons of flatulence by a Buddhist teacher with a conspicuous name”
* English as a Second F*cking Language: How to Swear Effectively, Explained in Detail with Numerous Examples Taken From Everyday Life
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* Modern German Humor ’nuff said
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* Shechita Barbaric? Oy Vay! Have You Seen the Spanish Method of Cattle Slaughter?: A Sideways Look at the Lunatic More >
Seminars for the Rich Modern Executive
Part of being successful is knowing how to correctly educate yourself with the skills needed for your profession.
Here are ten new seminars specifically targeted at the young rich modern executive.
- The twits guide to Twitter ~
- Strategic Business Communication in the Rest Room ~
- Business Writing Essentials for the Illiterate and other upper class brats. ~
- Effective Conflict Management during Business Lunches – Which hors d’oeuvres are right for your career. ~
- The Meaning of Money – What actually happens when you pass over your platinum card at Saxs Fifth Ave. ~
- How to insult a waiter in 12 languages. ~
- The net worth of a network. ~
- How to dig your own moat and be the More >
Half the world
Half the world make ridiculous faces while riding the elevator
The other half are too busy mining in their pockets
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Half the world are patient enough to wait for the hand dryer to completely dry their hands.
The other half live the wet look.
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Half the world wouldn’t be caught dead in an Asian restaurant without chopsticks
The other half don’t give a damn and manage with a spoon.
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Half the world still think Paul McCartney’s dead
The other half are still looking for Elvis.
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Half the world have tried the watch The Wizard of Oz backed with the soundtrack of The Dark Side of the Moon
The other half have no idea at all More >
You know you need a vacation when…
You Know you really need a vacation when
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— you kiss the dog before leaving the house for work and your wife refuses to bark.
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— your tan is so pale that people in the street mistake you for the snowman.
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— you are spending so much time in the office that the cleaning lady regularly vacuums your ears.
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— you don’t remember the names of your kids but are sure you have some tucked away somewhere.
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— you’ve started calling your mother-in-law boss!
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— the last movie you saw was in black and white.
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— your folks want to visit you ask them to make an appointment with More >
10 things you don’t want to find in your Christmas stocking
Christmas is around the corner, at least it’s only a few days and weeks away if you are a regular reader of my blog, or it might be many months off if you arrived here by accident, whatever! Anyway One of the favorite traditions is to fill your loved ones Christmas stockings with goodies (or baddies – if you’re that way inclined). There is nothing like waking up on Christmas morning and checking what Santa filled your nylons with – right. Unless your loved ones happen to have a warped sense of humor or have watched too many vintage Monty More >
National coming out days for non gays
National coming out day was recently celebrated worldwide. Because of all the press coverage many other minority groups decided on similar events. Here are some of those scheduled for the upcoming months:
- National Coming Out Day for closet Darth Vaders. Why wait for Halloween.
Darkest Vadar
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National Coming Out Day for bad dressers and members of the league of I couldn’t care less.
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National Coming Out Day for Smurfs
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National Coming Out Day for superheros’ mums. Why should their offspring get all the glory.
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National Coming Out Day for dress alike twins. O.K> so you are twins,, if your surname isn’t Olsen isn’t it time you got a life?
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National Coming Out More >
The History of Conversation
As is common knowledge, conversation first started way back in the era of the cavemen when Bog, a medium height, bearded, long haired, overweight man with a pot belly, accidentally stood on the blistered toe of Gog, a medium height, bearded, long haired, skinny man with an attitude.
“Yoh,” exclaimed Gog, “You just stood on my bad toe?”
“Yoh, your mother-in-law,” replied Bog, “And what you gonna do about it?”
Needless to say this conversation was very short as Gog, knowing his place, ran out of the cave, swearing all the way and was eaten alive by an extinct dinosaur.
Conversation more or less carried More >
The Anti-PowerPoint Party
From the I thought I’d heard everything but I stand corrected Department
(courtesy of Office-Watch.com)
In Switzerland they are trying to get the numbers for an ‘Anti-Powerpoint Party’ to stand in the October 2011 elections. The founder of the party, Matthias Poehm says that €350 billion could be saved each year simply by banning PowerPoint from public speaking. They are trying to get 10,000 Swiss citizens to sign up and permit the party to stand for the election. The web site is full of statistics and an alternative to PowerPoint. One interesting page is the horror slides which include the now famous More >
What not to do in a posh restaurant
1. Order your steak tartar very well done.
2. Peruse the wine list for more than ten minutes then order a vintage 1969 coke.
3. Peruse the wine list for more than ten minutes while smoking vintage 1969 coke.
4. Try and recreate the scene from When Harry met Sally in 3D.
5. Stick your chopsticks up your nose and pretend you are Adam Sandler.
6. Stick your chopsticks up your nose even if you are Adam Sandler.
7. You are Adam Sandler and you stick the chopsticks proudly up your nose but sign the bill Jim Carrey.
8. You have passed the age of 21 so I guess it’s More >
50 things to do for free
1. Investigate the efficiency of public lavatories. Once you had to spend a penny but today in many countries it is free.
2. Wash your hands at a public lavatory. Come on, remember what your mother taught you.
3. Watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace and just as the ceremony starts shout “On Guard” through a megaphone.
4. Spend a free week in London, accommodation compliments of the Metropolitan Police, includes bread and water,, what more could you ask for.
5. Collect cigarette butts at a Spanish Tapas bar and try to sell them to the Barcelona Museum of Contemporary Art.
6. Take underwater More >
10 things you can only do or say if you are the Queen
1. “We have to show the country an set an example and reduce expenditure so please tell the chef to reduce the Filet Mignon for the Corgis to once a week.”
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2. ”Philip please stop poking the dumb waiter.”
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3. Wear clothes that weigh more than you do without worrying about looking fat.
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4. Print monopoly money with your face on it and use it as legal tender.
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5. Throw a party without worrying how many guests will attend – they all will.
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6. Charge people to see your house while you are away on vacation.
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7. Wear a crown, matching earrings and bright maroon dress and More >
50 things not to say on a first date
1. I’d take you back to my place but they don’t allow women on C-block.
2. McDonald’s is usually a splurge for me but I guess it’s important to impress on the first date.
3. Excuse me being a little bitchy but it’s that time of the month.
4. I don’t really go much for alcohol, I’m more of a blood guy.
5. I don’t want to hurry you, or anything, but I left the kids with the sitter and she charges by the hour.
6. I am really supportive of the women’s rights movement and religiously believe that the girl should pick up the tab for the More >
Disturbing Facts #1
36% of people under the age of 35 go right onto Facebook and Twitter after sex
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40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year
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Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time during the day
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Hitler never allowed anyone to see him naked and would never take off his coat in public.
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In Fairbanks, Alaska, there is a law that states that a moose is not allowed to have sex on city streets (but indoors it’s fine!)
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When elephants eat ice-cream no-one stares at them as if to say – “Aren’t you fat enough already?”
- Lions don’t get divorced because when ever the More >
100 Fun things to do with your grandfather
- Play hide and seek. Tell your grandfather to count to a hundred. Be sure to return from the beach before sundown and to take him back to the home.
- Baseball in mime.
- Find the lost teeth.
- Find the lost apartment keys.
- Play find the Filipino – help your grandpa find the Filipino that he has accidentally locked in the broom closet.
- Play “Did I ever tell you about the time I …..”. If you manage to get through ten back to back stories without feeding him sleeping pills dissolved in whiskey you win. If he manages to actually surprise you with one you haven’t heard more than ten More >
10 new work laws we’d like to see
“All work and no play” well I think it’s time to put a n end to all that. Here are ten ways to do it:
- After a holiday or office party someone automatically brings a double dose of espresso to your desk and no sly remarks about a possible hangover are allowed. -
- If your boss pisses you off twice in one week you are granted an immediate, paid one day vacation -
- Coffee served at work must not taste like some mixture put together by one of the witches from Macbeth. -
- If you are forced you work in open-space, if you have More >
