Posts tagged history
Moses led the Israelites across the Red Sea with an army of Egyptians in pursuit.
The sea waters split allowing the fleeing Israelites a safe passage across and the Egyptian soldiers wondering how to follow them.
“Wise Pharaoh.” asked one of the officers, “How should we advance?”
“Swim” answered the Pharaoh, impatiently.
“I beg your pardon sir”
“Swim, tell them all to swim”
Without further ado the entire Egyptian brigade jumped into the rough sea waters and drowned.
“Sire” said the wise adviser to his ruler, “perhaps we should have given them lessons first.”
© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed More >
A caveman pays a visit to his local counsel
Caveman1: I need to borrow a club.
Caveman Clerk: Are you a member?
Caveman1: sorry I’m new here, a member of what?
Clerk: Of the club.
Caveman1: I’m not sure. Which club are we talking about?
Clerk: The club club. Only members of the club can rent a club.
Caveman1: O.K. how do I become a member.
Clerk: Oh the procedure is very simple. Please fill form A in triplicate and form B in duplicate. You can get the forms over there.
The Caveman looked over at the back wall and saw a pile of stone blocks.
Caveman1: Do you have something to More >
As is common knowledge, conversation first started way back in the era of the cavemen when Bog, a medium height, bearded, long haired, overweight man with a pot belly, accidentally stood on the blistered toe of Gog, a medium height, bearded, long haired, skinny man with an attitude.
“Yoh,” exclaimed Gog, “You just stood on my bad toe?”
“Yoh, your mother-in-law,” replied Bog, “And what you gonna do about it?”
Needless to say this conversation was very short as Gog, knowing his place, ran out of the cave, swearing all the way and was eaten alive by an extinct dinosaur.
Conversation more or less carried More >
- Thailand: it is illegal to leave your house if you are not wearing underwear. Shame!
- Thailand: You must wear a shirt while driving a car.
- Switzerland: Clothes may not be hung to dry on Sunday.
- Switzerland: Itis illegal to flash the toilet after 10 P.M. And I thought the smell came from the cows!
- Sweden: While prostitution is legal, it is illegal to use the services of a prostitute. Catch 23.
- South Korea: Traffic police are required to report all bribes that they receive More >
She: Uggh yourself
He bangs her over head and drags her into the cave. Date over!
Romeo and Juliet Romeo [To Juliet] If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. JULIET [to her nurse] I swear, I don’t understand a word he says but isn’t he the cutest thing on two legs you’ve ever seen? I could do him in a minute. Really he’s to die for!
The Hassidic First Date
Rabbi: (to the man) More >
1. Gerald Stonefield, an unemployed Jewish writer from York, thought he had written the play to end plays. A surefire hit. The manager of the Globe Theatre thought otherwise. This may have been due to the fact that a local playwright named Will had recently brought him a similar play that he had named Much Ado About Nothing.
§§§ 2. Along with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden lived a fine lad called Irvine. Eve, an obsessive eater who was already a bit overweight (see Michelangelo’s ceiling for proof), constantly complained to Irvine about her chest pains (He was a More >
Of all the species that inhabit this world, perhaps the least understood are the witches. For generations these broom carrying badly dressed citizens have been badly misrepresented. We know little about their customs traditions or even their ancestry.
Here in an effort to set the records straight I give you the Taite Guide to Witches:
- 10 facts you didn’t know about witches
- Everything you always wanted to know about witches but were afraid to ask.
- The famous Python witch
- Everything you always wanted to know about witches but were afraid to ask: The Sequel
- Selected pictures from the National Witches More >
It is final. Archaeologists have proven that Tolkien was right and there really were Hobbits. ScienceDaily reports researchers from Stony Brook University Medical Center in New York have confirmed that Homo floresiensis is a genuine ancient human species and not a descendant of healthy humans dwarfed by disease. Using statistical analysis on skeletal remains of a well-preserved female specimen, researchers determined the “hobbit” to be a distinct species and not a genetically flawed version of modern humans. In a related article the International Inquirer has stated that irrevocable evidence has been found to back their theory that Fred Flintstone actually existed More >
History’s Less Known Siblings: All about the Contributions to Society made by Marie D ‘Arc, Mervyn Presley, Namdev Gandhi and Moses’ other brother Irvine
Every school kid knows that Joan of Arc was tried and convicted for heresy. What is less known is the fact that Joan had an older sister, Marie, who greatly influenced the French culture and cuisine by inventing what has since become known as Steak Tartar. The story behind her culinary dish has been handed down from generation to generation. While younger sister Joan was being condemned for heresy and taken to the stake to be burned alive in front of the masses, Marie was cooking beaf steaks for her family. A concerned friend of Joan’s came running into the More >