Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged confessions in a bottle
50 Things to do Before you Die
1. Eat a monster slice of cake covered in whipped cream in a Viennese cafe without once thinking how many calories it contains.
2. Learn 50 Japanese swear words and use them on the New York subway.
3. Teach a rabbinical student to break-dance..
4. Finally find out what happened to Baby Jane
5. Get listed in the Guinness Book of records for the first person in the world to eat over 300 sushi at a wedding with his hands tied behind his back..
6. For an entire week, eat only at five star restaurants that have no menus and who serve dishes you are unable More >
Confessions in a Bottle: the Genie
I was sitting in a bar, minding my own business, drinking my third Corona while trying not to get the lemon slice in my eye, when I spied a small piece of parchment hiding in the bottom of the bottle. Using the stem of a disposable cocktail umbrella, that I seized from the frozen glass belonging to the girl sitting next to me, I slowly fished it out. After having recovered from the slap across the face that the girl gave me before getting up and leaving the bar, I commenced to read what was written on the parchment.
I you More >
How to Make Holy Water: I swear I didn’t change a word!
They say if you look long enough you can find anything on the internet. I stumbled upon this foolproof method for making holy water in the privacy of your own home from wikihow. I swear I haven’t changed a word. I especially liked th part about using kosher salt and the necessity for Basic understanding energy. Now if I can find a decent method for manufacturing gold without the help of an alchemist I’m out of here.
Steps
- First you’ll need to collect salt and water.
- You need to create Holy Salt before you can create Holy Water so consecrate the salt first.
- THE More >
How to Get Rich Without Really Trying
You want to get rich fast. There’s only one big problem. Your skint! Your bank balance is in the red, your bank manager refuses to return your calls, your family have disowned you and the national sweepstakes refuses to chose your lucky numbers. All is lost. Not quite my friend. There are still opportunities out there to make money from thin air – literally. Here is a list of some possible options and because I’m such a nice guy I’m providing it for free, zip! If you do manage to adopt one of my ideas and make your millions, please More >
The Only Man on the Island
Help! I am stranded on a desert island somewhere in the Caribbeans . I was in the middle of a heavy poker game in the casino, somewhere in the vicinity of Bermuda, when I heard a big explosion. The next thing I know, I am hanging on for dear life to the remains of a roulette table, alone in the middle of the ocean in the midday sun and no sunscreen. I floated for what seemed liked days, but was probably no more than a few hours, ’till a tidal wave swept me on to a deserted beach. Well it wasn’t deserted More >
Confessions in a Bottle: A Plead from the Home
A plead from the home
Please help me. I am a Japanese Baguette baker and have been kidnapped by the men in white. I am being held in a house of elderly CIA agents disguised as old age pensioners. No one is really listening to me but I have it on good authority (Jack the undercover MI5 agent dressed as a cleaner) that I have a ransom of 10 million dollars on my head. If you find this bottle before 2020, please see to the ransom. I have hidden my life savings, approximately 17 ½ million dollars in a saki pitcher More >
Confessions in a Bottle: The Budgie
The Budgie
My parents bot me a yella budgie rigar for Christmas. She has red stripes on her back and I call her Polly. I donna why they bot me this budgie but it is verry fritening and it is hard for me to fall asleep at nite. My best frend Daniel from preskool, with who I play docter and all sorts of fun games, promised to help me. Last week Daniel took out the tube of crazy gloo from my dad’s draw and fed it to Polly. It was reely funny as Polly jumped up and down and then fell over in More >
confessions in a bottle
I was sitting innocently on the beach, minding my own business when a huge wave slung this bottle at me. Luckily it was a plastic coke bottle and not a discarded wine bottle, which could easily have broken my nose. From inside I extracted the following message.
My name is unimportant, you can call me Marion, no wait make that Rhiannon. If I get my choice it may as well be something sexy. I live in a apartment building in New Jersey, Manhattan, but am presently sitting on a beach on a not so deserted island, bored to death. The More >
