Best humor blog for everyday life
Posts tagged celebs
Real tweets from the rich and famous
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From the real tweets of the rich and sometimes famous
Joan Rivers:
I asked my grandson, Cooper, if he knew where babies came from. Very smart! He said, “Of course…Brad and Angelina’s house.”
Steve Martin:
I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.
When Oprah went to see the “The Help,” she thought for sure it was going to be about airline pilots.
About Alec Baldwin - He may have more martial arts, but I have more marital arts.
Sarah Silverman:
Comics should be able to claim other comics as dependants
When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue More >
Wikileaks for Dummies: what the celebs don’t want you to know
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Now awaiting to be stolen from a book-store near you.
Truths or half truths or maybe all out lies that even the national enquirer was scared to publish
See Paparazzi photos that have been kept secret for years
Queen Elizabeth wears kinky underwear!
Hilary Clinton starred in a college version of Rocky Horror Show (as Edi)
Brad Pitt is really a woman
Bart Simpson is a bigamist
The dog from Family Guy had an affair with the director
Paul McCartney died on the day he was born and was immediately replaced with a robot.
President Obama’s dog is actually a camouflaged Russian midget called Leonid
The fire More >
The Filthy Rich Network
Coming to a cable TV service near you (If you happen to live in Bel Air or Beverly Hills) The F.I.R.N. Network Shows premiering this fall:
Extreme Makeover – housekeeper edition – watch and wonder as your dreary housekeeper Emma is transformed into the Maid of your dreams
Modest Family. A fat rich elderly retired rock star marries a South American model with an attitude and her overweight son and tries to hide the fact that he’s loaded. The fact that they live in a 24 room mansion doesn’t spoil the plot.
Entertaining Tonight – great ideas for intimate dinners with less than eighty More >
20 things you can learn from TV
- Travel is educational; it teaches you how to get rid of money in a hurry.Travel is educational; it teaches you how to get rid of money in a hurry.
- The best free gifts are given away on Oprah.
- Women in haunted houses always walk around in their underwear.
- Women under threat of a crazy psychopath always walk around in their underwear.
- No women seen on TV ever buy their underwear at Walmart.
- There is no such thing as an ugly or fat female lawyer.
- All police chiefs are Afro American.
- Chefs always wear designer clothes that never stain.
- It is against the law for chefs to drink anything More >
Weird celebs who don’t need Halloween as an excuse
Most people wait a whole year to dress up as a monster or frightening witch and scare their neighbours to death. Many celebs don’t need to wait for Halloween, they celebrate all year round.
Brigitte Bardot - who said ageing was fun?
The man whose nose fell to earth
Cher - what more can I say?
Bin Laden - from "A Nightmare on Wall Street"
Ozzy Osbourne's natural look
Keith Richard - and to believe girls still fall at his feet!
Courtney Love Sober
marilyn Manson - Even Frankenstein hid under the covers
Amy Winehouse on a better day
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved.
If you enjoyed this More > 
Things that didn’t happen: Woody Allen makes an action movie!
It was only a matter of time. According to The National Inquisition, Woody Allen’s next movie is set to be a full fledged action adventure set in the steaming Jungles of New Jersey. Following Allen through the many unexplored areas of South Jersey parts will be Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, re-enacting his classic role of Colan, Bruce Willis, Silvester Stallone and the late Telly Savalas. Using technology Allen first introduced in Zelig, the dead and almost dead actors chosen to fill the parts will have new life pumped into them. The female role is being held for Lynsay Lohan who must first fulfil prior commitments to the California police department. More >
Things that never happened: Miss Universe achieves world peace
The current Miss Universe, Bianca Blaise Bimbona, wasn’t the first to reveal her intention to achieve world peace if she won the competition, but was the first to prove herself capable. After proudly putting the crown on her head Miss Bimbona started a Facebook group that called for public abstention around the globe. Claiming that she was herself still a virgin, B.B.B, as she has become known, managed to capture the hearts (and other bodily parts) of men and women worldwide. After the group passed the 2 billion mark and succeeded in bringing down the Facebook servers worldwide, governments around More >
The New Bizarro World: A Matter of Geography
In the Bizarro World of “Htrae” (Earth backwards), once so popular in Superman comics and yet to hit the big screen, everyday life s a bit backwards.
Here is my impression of the Bizarro world 2010.
The Bizarro Code
Sumo Girls
Big is beautiful and the ancient American sport of Sumo is a proud example.
McBuddha
Harmony and good nutritious food are the motto behind the Bizarro slow food chain.
The Jedi Prince
The Royal Bizarro Prince has been known for his antics but it is the Liz Queen who controls the force.
Michael Potter
In the Bizarro Potter world who would you expect to play the part of Harry?
Shreks More >
Things That Never Happened: Paris Hilton gets the Oscar
Wearing a dress (if you can call it that) that was guaranteed to attract all the attention, Paris Hilton walked confidently down the red carpet last night accompanied by an unknown male companion rumoured to go by the name of Ozzie. This time, however, Paris was not there just to add colour to the event. Her leading role in the R rated remake of the classic movie,The Way of All Flesh, earned her a nomination for The Best Actress in a Leading Role category. In spite of fierce competition from the other nominees: Meryl Streep Kathy Bates Helen Mirren and Kate Winslet (who More >
Things that never happened: The BuckingFest
Throughout the last decade the British Royalty have been seriously criticised in the press for their extravagant spending. In order to cut costs and return the faith of her subjects Queen Elizabeth II has announced that this winter, in accordance with the advice of her counsellor, Lord Ozzie Osborne, she will the holding the frst annual BuckingFest. The Buckingfest will incorporate many of the great features of the 200 year old German Octoberfesy and Osborne’s OssieFest but with crystal glasses and baroque music. The press release states that Prince Philip will serve behind the bar and Prince Charles will provide the entertainment More >
I Found Waldo!
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© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
A Penny for their Thoughts
Ever wondered what was going on in the minds of your favourite celeb or model while they are being photographed?
It only takes a penny for the answer.
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© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
Tweets from Celebs and other Twits
Famous Celebs, past and present, try their luck at Twitter
James Joyce: I came. I did her. Blah blah blah. The end.
D.H. Lawrence: Hello. Want to see my shed? Bank Wham thank you Mam.
The Who. Who am I, who’s next, who’s for sale , who’s to blame? Too much acid on the brain
Paul Simon: Me and Hulio got busted again in the school yard. Must change location
Shakespeare: To be? Not to be? To be? Not to be? Oh what the hell just give me a Guinness
Michelangelo: I swear I didn’t touch that naked kid. It was all about art.
Michael Jackson: I swear I didn’t touch that More >
The Robin Hood Channel
Coming This Fall on the all new Robin Hood Channel
Will the Merry: Follow the hysterical adventures of Diva Will Scarlet and his Merry Men and witness the antics they get up to in the forest (PG13). Forest live has never been so divine!
Robin Made Marianne (R-rated). From the people who brought you Forest Hump.
Friar Tuck’s Hell’s Kitchen Watch the fun as three overweight, drunk monks fight it out for the position of Sou Chef in the monastery.
The Prince and the Paupers The new reality show where the Prince gets to chose a mate from the fairest ladies of the land, who have been gathered More >
Why the Chicken Crossed the Road: The Ultimate Answers
Ever since the creation of the world, man has been trying to find the answers to the eternal question. Generation after generation of scientists, philosophers and pub visitors have spent years trying to find the answers. Though millions of pages have been written suggesting possible causes, it would be safe to say that we are still generations away from concluding why, dammit, did the chicken cross the road? To help finally answer this question a forum of the worlds foremost minds met at a deserted branch of KFG just off route 80, south of Wayne N.J. The conference was chaired More >
Worst Dressed at the Oscars
The Oscars are famous for mediocre movies, overlong ceremonies, corny jokes and lavish parties. But symbolizes the Oscars more than anything are the outlandish outfits that the celebrities wear in order you get there pictures published in the media. Here are my winners for the Oscar category :
Whoopi Goldberg wearing a selection designed by I Don’t Give a Damn Salon for the Ugly Cameron and Renee showing that it’s fine to wear the bedroom sheets to the ball Two Celebs who decide to show all Speechless! Cher – What did you expect!! Nominations for the ugliest outfit in history award Just to prove that men can More >
The Taite Guide to Celebrity Trash Cans
Celebrity Trash Cans
We sent the Tate Gallery roving reporter around the globe to delve into the trash cans of the rich and famous. Here is what he found.
Madonna – Unread paperback copy of Sex in the City
Sharon Stone - Bestselling novel How to become rich and famous without getting out of Bed
Jennifer Aniston – Angelina Jolie voodoo doll with detached head. Jay Leno – Conan O’ Brian voodoo doll with detached hair Conan O’Brian – live Jay Leno complete with damaged sportscar
Leonardo Di Caprio – first edition copy of 100 Excuses for not Taking your Girlfriend to the Oscars.
Tom Cruise – Mad Men seasons 1 and 2 plus 92 More >
Pay me 45 Million dollars and I’ll leave. I’ll even do the cancan!
From the associated press: NEW YORK – NBC said Thursday it has reached a $45 million deal with Conan O’Brien for his exit from the “Tonight Show,” allowing Jay Leno to return to the late-night program he hosted for 17 years.
I think that this is good a time as any to announce that I am perfectly willing to leave everything for 45 million dollars. I promise to have cleared out my desk by Monday, evacuated my house, handed over Mini my wonder Pekinese and auctioned off my children (sorry kids but business is business). Just so there is no doubt on the matter, More >
10 possible replacements for Simon Cowell due to fight it out in reality show
The prize is a priceless contract to lead the panel of judges on the most popular TV show in America.
The winner gets
- Unlimited amounts of Coca Cola
- A chance to verbally abuse every would be, could be, should be and God help me who thinks they can sing.
- A free two week course in the use of eyebrow expressions
- A great wardrobe consisting of cheap jeans and plain T-shirts.
