China and Japan originate from the same culture and background but boy are they different today.

1. In Japan cars usually stop at a red traffic light. In China all drivers are color blind.

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2. Japan is famous for its clean and efficient toilets with electronic controls. In China bring your own toilet paper and hold your breath.

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3. In Japan women spend a whole months wages in order to purchase a genuine Gucci bag. In China genuine ???

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4. In Japan the three most popular food chains are McDonalds Starbucks and Kentucky Fried Chicken. In China the three most popular food chains are McDonalds Starbucks and Kentucky Chicken. Go figure!

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5. In China it costs around $0.30 to use the subway and get across town. N Japan it can cost $300 to buy a honeydew melon!

Also see

5 Things the Japanese do better than the Americans

Guide to English greetings

The American’s guide to the British

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

A while ago I opened up my morning newspaper (actually it was the flipboard on my IPhone but lets not get picky!) and read the amazing news that Instagram had been bought by Facebook for 1 BILLION dollars. I reread that number several times but it didn’t seem to be a typo. If Facebook was willing to part with 1 billion dollars for a photo app that I had ignored up to now, obviously I was missing something.

Sure enough among the trillion pictures of cute cats and dogs and cheap promotions of would be models there is some really fine photography.

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audiosoup

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audiosoup

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onlyliz

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onlyliz

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paulyvella

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© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

Only in Japan could you find such an amount of talent in one place and at one time. 150 percussion groups and bands from all over Japan. Pure heaven for those who appreciate culture or music.

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© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

Sometimes a good idea desn’t look all that good in the morning, especially when the idea was the result of heavy boozing. Here are a few  URLs that never should have hit the web. Obviously many of the following are no longer active.

www.expertsexchange.com – This site was supposedly for exchanging advice between experts and not what you people with dirty minds were thinking.

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http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com - I wonder if there’s a site out there for men who dress like Lady Gaga?

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www.therapistfinder.com - O.K. so the guys and girls behind this site to help you find a therapist learned their lesson. You won’t find any rapists here but the URL will now take you to http://www.counselingcalifornia.com/ which seems a bit safer a find.

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http://www.thelongestdomainnameintheworldandthensomeandthensomemoreandmore.com/ Supposedly the longest URL in the world – out to get noted in the Guinness book of records.

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Want to find out who the agent is for your favorite whore? Try http://www.whorepresents.com, the site actually informs you who represents famous celebrities. No you won’t catch me claiming that some of them are whores but it’s their words not mine!!!

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Ever heard of a site for Old shaven men. Check out  www.OldManShaven.com. Actually it’s Old Man’s Haven but that sounds almost as bad (or bald).

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And then of course there’s the old Monty Python favourite:

The Lumberman Sex Change Site, or as it is now known http://www.lbxonline.com  (spoil sports!)

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© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

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A few weeks ago I wrote about the sequel to Ian Anderson and Jethro Tull’s masterpiece Thick as a Brick (see The Return of Gerald Bostock). This to be released for the 40th anniversary of the classic album followed by a world tour is scheduled wherein Ian Anderson will play both versions in their entirety.  Well the album is finally here and I wasn’t disappointed. Anyone who is looking for a rebirth of the era of classic rock  should look no further. In fact I am not afraid to say that in many ways the sequel is even better than the original. The music is more evolved  and  the sound is spectacular. O.K. I can hear the complaints world wide so please forgive me.

Will this mean a revolution in the music business? I doubt it. Will it top the record charts for weeks on end? I think that that is very unlikely. But maybe I’ll be surprised. There are several differences between the original masterpiece and its sequel. First of all this is Ian Anderson’s “Thick as a Brick 2″ and not Jethro Tull’s. If this confuses you then you should understand that Jethro Tull was/ is a group and lead guitarist Martin Barre is not present here. Nevertheless a lot of the songs here are far more musically complex that the original. The 1972 album is basically one long piece that  was created as a parody of the current fad to create a concept album. On TWO Anderson takes the story of Gerald Bostock as his central theme and paints it with beautiful riffs that he has collected over the course of forty years. A first listening to the album is bound to be a biased experience. If you have no knowledge of Jethro Tull or TAAB (meaning you are under the age of consent or your overuse of phychotic drugs has removed all your memory cells), then it is unlikely you will come upon this album in the first place. If you are a seventies purist, then the idea of trying to recreate anything from that era, however good, would be sacrilege. However if you, like me, are a long time Jethro Tull fan, and embrace Thick as  A Brick 2 with open eyes and ears, then you are in for 52 minutes of pure pleasure. True it is impossible not to make the comparison with the first album and yes Ian Anderson’s voice has changed beyond repair over the years, but given all that, here is a great NEW classic rock album and how many of those have you listened to recently?

So does this ditty work? Is there room in 2012 for music that won’t be covered by screaming teenage hopefuls on Idol and the X Factor? Can Gerald Bostock find true happiness?  The answers are Yes, maybe (though it is unlikely that you will hear it’s music on prime time T.V.) and very unlikely.

So that’s enough words. Go out and buy the album. Oh I forgot, people no longer do that anymore do they? So go and download it now. Come on you owe it yourself.

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

There are two people in this world:

Those that have Iphones or Ipads and those that pretend that the alternative is just as groovy (yes they are the ones who still  use the word groovy)

Of those who have Iphones there are those who use it as a phone (I’m pretty sure that around the globe there are at least two such people, maybe in Bulgaria).

All the rest belong to the category who have downloaded 25 billion apps and counting. That’s a lot of apps. That’s a lot of anything period.

Of those people, there are those who download only business apps (yes I found two more such people in Bulgaria) and those who download a bit of everything.

Of the latter group there are those who are loose with their money (I mean it’s only 99 cents right?) and those who every morning check out the daily freed apps and download them irresponsibly.

Which brings me to the issue at hand. True, you need a good currency converter, a newsreader or three, a flashlight, a set of angry birds and fruit smashing ninjas, but what you really really really can’t do without is Plumber Crack.

Come on ladies, how many times have we caught you staring at that ever visible crack that your plumber is proud to display every time your faucet grows a leak. And who are we kidding, if this wasn’t the case, how come you called for him five times in the last month. So ladies your dream has finally come true with the latest Iphone App to hit Itunes.  Plumber Crack’s premise is simple. In front of you is an overweight plumber obligingly bent over, and the App supplies you with ice cubes to throw at him (actually at it!), the rest is a matter of marksmanship. Oh and the company that has released this game is not sexist so for all you guys around the game splashes onto your screen equipped with both male and female plumbers.

Isn’t life perfect?

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling apart
My brain’s gone out trekking
Without taking my heart.
My eyes just won’t focus
On anything but soap
I’m no longer brave or beautiful
And finding it hard just to cope.
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My toenails are a disaster
And my hair is almost gone.
My eyebrows rebel righteously
And by left leg is quite numb.
My hearing is embarrassing
I need glasses just to pee.
And don’t ask me with whom I went last night
Ain’t got the faintest idea who that could be.
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I’m breaking up, limb by limb
Like a Lego set undone.
One minute quite the castle king
Out looking for some fun.
But the only running I do now
Is to the local loo.
I wonder if there’s home for me
If I apply some super glue.

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

Here is the truth, the whole truth and, well you know the rest.

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© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

Since it’s founding, the Taite Gallery has given the Titanic ample coverage in it’s posts.

Initially I shared with you my thoughts regarding  hated coworkers in

5 Work Colleagues I would gladly send off on the maiden voyage of Titanic II

If that wasn’t enough I attacked the subject again in

If all Movies had Happy Endings: Titanic

and then I couldn’t leave it alone and revisited the event as Titanic: The Journey to Mars in

Movie Sequels We Don’t Want to See

In the coming days every blog, paper, T.V. show and talk show host will find time to cover the subject. If that wasn’t enough a twitter account has been opened which is giving a realtime (albeit 100 years late) minute by minute coverage of the fatal journey, and if you think I’m kidding check out Titanic Voyage .

It is rumored  that Celine Dion has been given a special permit to leave Los Vegas in order to record a triple album of Titanic related songs

Our roaming columnist managed to get his grubby hands on the lyrics from one of the songs from the album.

Here for the first time published anywhere are the lyrics from Celine Dion’s opening song

My Song must go On

Every night in my dreams
I count you, I feel you
That is what keeps me
going on.
Shiny green and piling
That’s what keeps me smiling
My signature is what I’m
Banking on.

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Dollars, dimes, for me they’re all fine
Every night it’s what helps me go on.
This song’s such a bore but it opens the door
So I must play the part and
A la carte I will sing it on and on

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Success can touch you one time
And last for a lifetime
So I’ll  never let go of
This boat.
The Titanic may be sinking
But I’ve no time for blinking
Twice a night  my great show must
Go on.

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Dollars, dimes, for me they’re all fine
Every night it’s what helps me go on.
This song’s such a bore but it opens the door
So I must play the part and
A la carte I will sing it on and on

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As long as you’re here, there’s nothing I fear
‘Cause I know that my success will go on
With this song  every night
My future is bright
So my singing will go on and on

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© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.

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“You don’t spend enough with me. You promised me more quality time.”

It was 7 A.M. and I was only half way through my toasted bagel and hadn’t even reached the sports page yet. Doesn’t she know by now that breakfast is not the time for conversation. How can I make small talk with George and Jerry at the office if I don’t even know who won the game last night. But try explaining that to your spouse.

“O.K. luv, Saturday I’m all yours.” I replied. I was even considerate enough to look up from the paper for a minute while saying it. I would live to regret this.

Come Friday night I was exhausted. Work work work and then more work. Whatever happened to Nine to Five? Since the invention of the email, work seemed to follow me everywhere. When I finally made it home I was in for a real surprise, my better half had prepared a candlelight dinner and was dressed to kill. Things were definitely looking up.

It was only over dessert, hot apple pie and cream, that she brought up the subject.

“So tomorrow you’re all mine.” It wasn’t phrased as a question.

Saturday morning I tried to sound cheerful.

“So where shall we spend our quality time? How about we go to the spa and get a good rub down and then maybe take in the new suspense movie with Kevin Spacy? Or we could go fishing together. That would be a first.”

My other half just smiled.

“Did I say something funny.”

“No, but I have other plans. They are having a pre-Thanksgiving sale at Spendalot Mall. I thought we could get some clothes and maybe some bargains for the grandchildren.”

“We don’t have any grandchildren!”

“But we will have in a year or two, so we should be prepared.”

“When you say clothes you mean?”

“Well I really have nothing to wear and it’s fine time we threw out all the garbage in your closet and got you refitted.”

I was doomed.

It’s not that I don’t like malls. I HATE malls. I’m fine with the jeans, t-shirts and five work shirts I possess. And when it comes to her trying clothes on I know I’m cooked.

“Do you think this makes me look fat?” Of course it does it’s two sizes too small and was designed for a sixteen year old.

“Do you like these shoes?”

Now there is one piece of information that somehow, was never passed down from generation to generation:

Ladies, men never look at your shoes., Never!  Us members of the underprivileged sex have other things to look at. You will nevernever hear a discussion like this in a bar:

1st man: Did you see those shoes on that girl? They really promote her ankles.

2nd man: Actually I think that it would have looked better in a light green.

Alright maybe in a gay bar.

We arrived at the mall at 11:00 A.M. sharp. I tried to think of getaway plans but pulled a blank.

After 4 consecutive shoe stores we fell upon a trendy menswear boutique. I could tell it was pricey from the fact that all the price-tags were in gold and the designer’s first name was Alberto.

“Look, everything is 40% off. A real bargain”, said the little woman. Actually she’s not all that little but don’t tell her I said so.

“Love of my life,” I returned, “even after the reduction, for the price on these jeans it would be cheaper to feed a small third world country. Take a look at this one, $575 dollars and it has holes in the knees.”

“Silly darling that’s not the price, that’s the model number. Here look the reduced price is in red on the back of the label.”

I had another look.

“Oh right, how stupid can I be. It’s not $575 it’s $1025 plus tax and the holes are complimentary.”

“I thought you were going to be nice for once. You promised. If you want to continue looking like a Al Bundy then  buy your shirts at Walmart.”

I was hurt, I was really hurt, but above all else I was thirsty. Shopping does that to me. It was then I saw the light and I became an immediate believer.

“Beautiful one who I adore above all others,” I always had a way with words, ” I see over there that Prada is having a 60% off on boots. Why don’t you go check them out and I’ll meet you by the Italian Trattoria in say one hour?”

I didn’t wait for an answer. Never knew she could run that fast.

I made off for the Husbandsitter. Free beer and popcorn , 70 inch led screen showing sports and a TV recliner with built in massager. Who said men don’t like malls?

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.