The first single released from upcoming album Android Pfeffer's Boneless Hearts Club Band, entitled  Lucy Sold Her Sky for Diamonds, has been topping the British charts for over six weeks now and is keeping Simon Cowell up late at night in an attempt to find a way to launch a counter attack and protect his interests. Taite Gallery reporters have managed to cut through the media fog surrounding the new group a...

Has the person sitting next to you at work yet to discover the word deodorant? Does your co-worker sing Abba songs aloud eight hours a day? Does your co-worker pick his nose, thinking no one is watching, our excavate his ears? Does your co-worker were micro mini-skirts even though she weighs over 90 kg and is almost 62? Does the guy sitting opposite you tap on his desk with an HB pencil, mistaking...

I Martin William Luthor Goodfellow, a resident of Bel Air, being of sound and disposing mind and memory, hereby bequeath the following: To my beautiful blonde secretary Marilyn, who found the time to sit by my sick bed  while my family were off celebrating Independence Day, I bequeath $500,000 in cash. To My son Andrew, who, for reasons known only to himself, goes by the nickname The Blade, adorns over a ...

Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear  behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with  Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...

  Some games are hard to win. Take Office Tennis for Instance.   Game I got to work one morning Around a quarter to ten. I sipped my coffee, read my Inbox, And it was that then I could feel a funny itching From beneath my clothes. Then I realized a fly had squatted On my nose. I tried to swat it with my backhand, Blot it with my forehand Chase it to the door and Make my name. But i...

From the We can never get enough Beatles department. The story goes like this. An American Guy, going by the fake name James Richards, comes into the possession of a cassette tape theoretically by the Beatles called Everyday Chemistry and writes up the story on a site called The Beatles Never Broke Up. The story is too ridiculous to mention here but you are welcome to go to the site and read it. The fake album...

I'm standing on the curb waiting for the walk sign. About twenty other pedestrians of varied sizes and pigmentation are patiently waiting beside me. Now there are no cars in sight and I know that if I cross now at least half of these law abiding citizens next to me will cheerfully follow suit. A few years back I spent a few months running a tourist restaurant. A tourist restaurant is a place where buses of...

1. Get blind drunk and hang your panties on the chandelier while performing your version of  "Yes I Cancan" 2. Have sex with the best man in the bathroom during the wedding ceremony. 3. Though you are the best man, have sex n the bathroom with the maid of honour and lose the wediing ring down the toilet in a moment of unexplained animal passion. 4. Have sex with the best man and the maid of honour in the ...

  ...that creepy guy on the train who is unable to extract the finger from his nostril and who wears a torn pair of black bell bottom jeans, gets up to give you a seat.     ...the guy at the local convenience store starts wrapping  pickles for you before you even get to the counter.     ...your homeroom teacher suggests that you both have a little ...

A foreigner's first experience with a Japanese toilet could easily be compared with a teenagers first experience with love. You meet this gorgeous girl during the school recess but you have no idea what to do about it. No-one has given you an instructions manual. The same can be said about Japanese washlets - right  you really don't want to call it a toilet any more than you'd call a Jaguar E-Type Roaster a car - t...

Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...

1:The Beginning I was sitting innocently on the beach, minding my own business when a huge wave slung this bottle at me. Luckily it was a plastic  coke bottle  and not a discarded wine bottle, which could easily have broken my nose. From inside I extracted  the following message. My name is unimportant, you can call me Marion, no wait make that Rhiannon. If I get my choice it may as well be something sexy. I li...

From the We can never get enough Beatles department. The story goes like this. An American Guy, going by the fake name James Richards, comes into the possession of a cassette tape theoretically by the Beatles called Everyday Chemistry and writes up the story on a site called The Beatles Never Broke Up. The story is too ridiculous to mention here but you are welcome to go to the site and read it. The fake album...

Mobile phones have taken over our lives. They are cute, they are musical and they fit easily into the front pocket of your pants or that miniature leather handbag that you carry everywhere. Even so, sometimes it is downright stupid, impolite  or dangerous to answer your ring-tone. In an attempt to promote world safety and invest some simple manners into you, here are my guidelines  for when not to take that c...

Museums were first invented in Paris, France by Jean Paul Yurr Hedoff in 1789. Jean was employed by Doctor Joseph-Ignace Guillotin as a cleaner upper or as they called it in those days a nettoyeur de têtes. It was Jean's job to clean up the mess after a Guillotine. The poor man found that after a few weeks he had quite a collection of disembodied heads and blood stained clothing and a growing crowd of visitors who wa...