The Beatles Never Broke Up - Everyday Chemistry
From the We can never get enough Beatles department. The story goes like this. An American Guy, going by the fake name James Richards, comes into the possession of a cassette tape theoretically by the Beatles called Everyday Chemistry and writes up the story on a site called The Beatles Never Broke Up. The story is too ridiculous to mention here but you are welcome to go to the site and read it. The fake album...
The herd mentality or how I gave up counting Margaritas
I'm standing on the curb waiting for the walk sign. About twenty other pedestrians of varied sizes and pigmentation are patiently waiting beside me. Now there are no cars in sight and I know that if I cross now at least half of these law abiding citizens next to me will cheerfully follow suit. A few years back I spent a few months running a tourist restaurant. A tourist restaurant is a place where buses of...
The Taite Guide to Apple
Now that Steve Jobs has displayed the Ipad to the world, it remains to be seen which new devices he will conquer the world with in the years to come. Here, from our personal inside mole at a top secret Apple research lab, is a guide to a few of the new products Apple is secretly working on. 1. The Ipotty. Press for number one or number two as applicable 2. The Imobile. Tomorrows breakthrough in mobile...
50 Things You Shouldn't Try Doing
Taking a shower while boiling a hard boiled egg. Wearing socks with holes in them while visiting a mosque. Eating sushi with a knife and fork in a Tokyo restaurant. Eating M&Ms with a knife and fork if you're not appearing on a sitcom. Posting a nude photograph of your ex-boss on Facebook - people have gone missing presumed dead for less. Bungee jumping over the George Washington Bridge while 7...
When NOT to Answer your Mobile Phone
Mobile phones have taken over our lives. They are cute, they are musical and they fit easily into the front pocket of your pants or that miniature leather handbag that you carry everywhere. Even so, sometimes it is downright stupid, impolite or dangerous to answer your ring-tone. In an attempt to promote world safety and invest some simple manners into you, here are my guidelines for when not to take that c...
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...
The herd mentality or how I gave up counting Margaritas
I'm standing on the curb waiting for the walk sign. About twenty other pedestrians of varied sizes and pigmentation are patiently waiting beside me. Now there are no cars in sight and I know that if I cross now at least half of these law abiding citizens next to me will cheerfully follow suit. A few years back I spent a few months running a tourist restaurant. A tourist restaurant is a place where buses of...
What the Queen said, and what she really meant
"Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements." English interpretation: "My sister's a lush, my daughter in law bollimic, my son insists on making it out with a cow, my husband's so senile that he tries to put it in the vacuum cleaner and my favorite Corgi has eloped to America." --- "It's all to do with the training: you c...
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...
The Taite Guide to Mothers-in-Law
Mothers-in-Law Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law I could tell what day it was going to be. It was all written in the sky. I woke up without a headache, the sun was shining. I could detect the chirping of robins from the nearby tree. Then the doorbell rang and the storm began. My mother in law is allergic to dishwashers. Well not really allergic she just doesn't believe that ...
50 Things You Shouldn't Try Doing
Taking a shower while boiling a hard boiled egg. Wearing socks with holes in them while visiting a mosque. Eating sushi with a knife and fork in a Tokyo restaurant. Eating M&Ms with a knife and fork if you're not appearing on a sitcom. Posting a nude photograph of your ex-boss on Facebook - people have gone missing presumed dead for less. Bungee jumping over the George Washington Bridge while 7...
Office Tennis: Game Set and Swat! Sometimes you have to act dirty
Some games are hard to win. Take Office Tennis for Instance. Game I got to work one morning Around a quarter to ten. I sipped my coffee, read my Inbox, And it was that then I could feel a funny itching From beneath my clothes. Then I realized a fly had squatted On my nose. I tried to swat it with my backhand, Blot it with my forehand Chase it to the door and Make my name. But i...
The Invention of Football
Many myths exist regarding the roots of the world's most popular game. They are all lies. It is time for the truth. When we say football, for all you Americans, we are not, I repeat not, talking about the Yankee version of rugby invented by Miller Lite that involves ridiculously dressed college students and flaky girl cheerleaders with pompoms). Football, or soccer, is a serous game in which fans dress up and paint...
The Beatles Never Broke Up - Everyday Chemistry
From the We can never get enough Beatles department. The story goes like this. An American Guy, going by the fake name James Richards, comes into the possession of a cassette tape theoretically by the Beatles called Everyday Chemistry and writes up the story on a site called The Beatles Never Broke Up. The story is too ridiculous to mention here but you are welcome to go to the site and read it. The fake album...
50 Things to do before you hit the bucket
Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...

Paint it Black – the SOPA PIPA version

If they want a blackout then they are going to have to deal with the masses. SOPA and PIPA aren’t the answers.
Mick Jagger knew what he was talking about

I see an open door and want to paint it black.
No freedom anymore lets turn the whole web black
I see some P2P up by the Pirates’s Bay.
I want to sink their ships and make them go away.

*
I see a whole new world, no colors except black.
When all the legislation’s through there will be no way back.
I see a a generation losing all its sense of pride.
Just like the Cheshire cat we’ll all have cause to hide.

*
The people behind all this, they just don’t understand.
It’s not about the royalties of some great historic band.
If they looked hard enough they’d see the setting sun
What needs assurance is that tomorrow morning comes.

So please step back and think before you bring us down.
We need our Wikis without which we will skip town.
It’s time you realized that there is no way back.
If you don’t change your ways the future’s painted black.

I see an open door and want to paint it black.
No freedom anymore lets turn the whole web black
A see a multitude of soldiers back to back.
All fighting to ensure we won’t go back to black.
-

I see a window still, please don’t you paint it black.

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you  enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If  not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.