Avatar II Auditions: The Revenge of the Canines
It was inevitable. After the success of the first movie the web was full of rumors and speculations regarding the sequel (obviously the first of many). Mini (my wonderdog) had already got a head start on me. It's easy for her, she doesn't have to hold down a day job and commute every morning and evening. She is entitled to free bed and board and can sleep all day if she choses, which she does after she has c...
The Taite Guide to Mothers-in-Law
Mothers-in-Law Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law I could tell what day it was going to be. It was all written in the sky. I woke up without a headache, the sun was shining. I could detect the chirping of robins from the nearby tree. Then the doorbell rang and the storm began. My mother in law is allergic to dishwashers. Well not really allergic she just doesn't believe that ...
Commercials from the Real World
Having hard day? Your boss doesn't understand you? Your bank account overdrawn? Your bank manager doesn't understand you? We have just the escape for you. For a limited time only join us on a Homeless Weekend. No necessity to pack any fancy clothes, come as you are and experience a life with no commitments. And just to prove to you how serious we are we'll throw in 3 complementary meals at the Downtown Ki...
The God Twitter: Memorable Tweets from the Almighty
Name: the Almighty Location: here, there and everywhere Web: www.thoushallnotkill.com Followers: tens of millions - I'm the almighty not one not Demi's live-in playmate! Following: Oprah - much more productive than Maria Noah_273 - OK so he's got a few bolts loose and his pigtail is really not in, but what the hell - he makes me smile. Maybe I'll give him a flood of his own. Then he'll have something...
Office Tennis: Game Set and Swat! Sometimes you have to act dirty
Some games are hard to win. Take Office Tennis for Instance. Game I got to work one morning Around a quarter to ten. I sipped my coffee, read my Inbox, And it was that then I could feel a funny itching From beneath my clothes. Then I realized a fly had squatted On my nose. I tried to swat it with my backhand, Blot it with my forehand Chase it to the door and Make my name. But i...
11 Things you shouldn't do at a wedding
1. Get blind drunk and hang your panties on the chandelier while performing your version of "Yes I Cancan" 2. Have sex with the best man in the bathroom during the wedding ceremony. 3. Though you are the best man, have sex n the bathroom with the maid of honour and lose the wediing ring down the toilet in a moment of unexplained animal passion. 4. Have sex with the best man and the maid of honour in the ...
Cruise vacations: 10 things they never told you about
1. The pictures of the young girls in the slim bikinis were taken 30 years ago. You get the updated version. 2. The round the clock, all you can eat buffets aren't half as appealing when you've spent your day throwing up over the port side of the ship. 3. If you want to avail yourself of one of the ten available treadmills you must sign up on the first day and with a bit of luck you'll get your 15 minutes...
100 Things to do when you're Bored
1. Write a list of things to do when you are bored. 2. Count the number of peope who die in Avatar (see The BodyCounters ) 3. Write down ten positive things about your mother-in-law 4. Play solitaire on your computer, blindfolded. 5. Drive your car to work blindfolded (only for the really reckless) 6. Sing all the songs on all the Beatle albums in descending chronological order. 7. Sit in the park with a...
Adventures in a Japanese Loo
A foreigner's first experience with a Japanese toilet could easily be compared with a teenagers first experience with love. You meet this gorgeous girl during the school recess but you have no idea what to do about it. No-one has given you an instructions manual. The same can be said about Japanese washlets - right you really don't want to call it a toilet any more than you'd call a Jaguar E-Type Roaster a car - t...
The God Twitter: Memorable Tweets from the Almighty
Name: the Almighty Location: here, there and everywhere Web: www.thoushallnotkill.com Followers: tens of millions - I'm the almighty not one not Demi's live-in playmate! Following: Oprah - much more productive than Maria Noah_273 - OK so he's got a few bolts loose and his pigtail is really not in, but what the hell - he makes me smile. Maybe I'll give him a flood of his own. Then he'll have something...
40 more things to do when you're bored
O.K. so I know when I've got a good thing going. You loved my earlier blog 100 things to when you're bored. Here are 40 more ideas 1. Paint your monitor black. 2. Paint your monitor screen black. 3. Try to get the paint of your screen before your boss sees it and fires you. 4. Write a musical about four legged animals who sing songs based on a long dead poet. - Oh that one's been done. Sorry, there are...
The Taite Guide to Gift Shops
Museums were first invented in Paris, France by Jean Paul Yurr Hedoff in 1789. Jean was employed by Doctor Joseph-Ignace Guillotin as a cleaner upper or as they called it in those days a nettoyeur de têtes. It was Jean's job to clean up the mess after a Guillotine. The poor man found that after a few weeks he had quite a collection of disembodied heads and blood stained clothing and a growing crowd of visitors who wa...
11 Things you shouldn't do at a wedding
1. Get blind drunk and hang your panties on the chandelier while performing your version of "Yes I Cancan" 2. Have sex with the best man in the bathroom during the wedding ceremony. 3. Though you are the best man, have sex n the bathroom with the maid of honour and lose the wediing ring down the toilet in a moment of unexplained animal passion. 4. Have sex with the best man and the maid of honour in the ...
The Internet Academy: An On-Line Syllabus for the Geeks of Tomorrow
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu is a real place. It is the name of an existing hill in New Zealand, or so the Internet claims.This comes from the same people who tell me that goldfish have a memory span of three seconds (how anyone measured that I don't know), and giraffes can't sing. The Internet is the basis for all our knowledge now. We have no choice but to believe...
Google Searching Taite - Come in Please!
Google is a great toy. You never know what you will find next there. I was wondering why my post 100 Things to do when You're Bored received so many hits from Goggle when I thought of checking the search keywords people used to get to my site (compliments of Google Analytics of course). Here are some the weirder ones. I swear they are all real. --- ...

Great Christmas Gadgets for rich people and their kids and pets

Here are a few really great Christmas presents that may empty your bank account. They can all be obtained from Hammacher Schlemmer or any other prestige gadget store that is happy to help you part with your money.

Gigantic water slide

Personal peddle boat

Your own floating light and water show

Your own backyard ice rink

Bionic bumper cars

A scooter with a suitcase combined

For the rich cat what better than its own ceramic water fountain

For your spoiled kitty - a heated outdoor cat house

... and for Rover - the inflatable dog shower

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