Best humor blog for everyday life
Archive for July, 2011
Everything’s Talking At Me
Imagine if Harry Nilsson was a Japanese singer by the name if Heri Neil-san. Then his updated version of Everybody’s Talking would probably go something like this:
Everything is talking at me from traffic lights that say “Please cross” While the humans here all chose to play it dumb. The ATMs are all so friendly Thanking me for taking their money, Even my anti-virus won’t keep mum.
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Here in Japan, the people just whisper But machines are left to go wild And “elebetors” have attitudes that can bite. As you sit in the loo, it talks to you too and trucks tell you when they turn right, While the train stations More >
50 things to do for free
1. Investigate the efficiency of public lavatories. Once you had to spend a penny but today in many countries it is free.
2. Wash your hands at a public lavatory. Come on, remember what your mother taught you.
3. Watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace and just as the ceremony starts shout “On Guard” through a megaphone.
4. Spend a free week in London, accommodation compliments of the Metropolitan Police, includes bread and water,, what more could you ask for.
5. Collect cigarette butts at a Spanish Tapas bar and try to sell them to the Barcelona Museum of Contemporary Art.
6. Take underwater More >
Journey to the Center of the Earth 2012
The ad on Facebook read:
“Team members needed for a journey to the center of the earth. No past experience necessary. If you look and sing like Pat Boone please refrain from applying.”
The expedition was supposed to be led by Sir Aussie Smith, the famed archaeologist, adventurer, prize fighter and international spy, and it was he who held the auditions in the auditorium of the British Museum three days before Christmas of 2011. Smith, unfortunately had to be replaced at the last minute, due to an unlucky liaison with an Egyptian rattle snake disguised as the Russian Ambassador to Jamaica. Two days More >
How the Japanese keep cool in summer
The crises in Japan has caused a lot of concern worldwide. Here in Tokyo, however, what seems to worry the citizens more than anything else is the need to cut down electricity usage which at many work places means little or no air-conditioning. Outside of going into the office naked – not really company policy over here – here are some of the cooler ways (pun intended) to keep cool this summer.
1. Japanese cooling gel (source Japanese trends)
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2. The universal necktie USB cooler. (Source Reamono)
O.K. this may sound kind of stupid or all out insane but somebody has created a More >
My Radioactive Diet
I’ve been in Japan now for six months now , seen the cherry blossom, experienced an earthquake or ten, climbed more stairs than I’d done in the previous two decades, and read everything there is to know about radioactive mushrooms. All this from the person who never touched a magic mushroom in his life despite frequent visits to Amsterdam. It used to be you went to the local supermarket, picked up a carton of fresh milk took it home, poured some over your cornflakes and then tried to read the Kanji on the milk carton that told you you had just bought More >
Alien Venture 4 – Opening Night
I didn’t sleep well the night before the grand opening. My four legged chef refused to divulge the menu and I had nightmares that involved mountains of spaghetti and meatballs dancing with eight feet tall sashimi. What made things worse was the fact that Jan informed me that he expected a full house of paying guests. If the previous days were anything to go by, that would mean a circus parade of escaped characters from 50′s Sci-Fi B movies. But my fears were in vain. At 7 P.M. when we opened the restaurant the patrons were about as average as More >
10 things you can only do or say if you are the Queen
1. “We have to show the country an set an example and reduce expenditure so please tell the chef to reduce the Filet Mignon for the Corgis to once a week.”
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2. ”Philip please stop poking the dumb waiter.”
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3. Wear clothes that weigh more than you do without worrying about looking fat.
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4. Print monopoly money with your face on it and use it as legal tender.
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5. Throw a party without worrying how many guests will attend – they all will.
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6. Charge people to see your house while you are away on vacation.
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7. Wear a crown, matching earrings and bright maroon dress and More >
The Alien Venture: episode 3
What do you order in a restaurant run by aliens?
For episode guide go here
Episode Three: Meet the Family
I’m not sure what I expected that morning. Having a weird guy named Jan who could read your thoughts come to your door was one thing, meeting his family was an entirely different ballgame. Jan drove a 1968 Buick le Sabre with a bright red roof. If he was trying not to stand out, he wasn’t doing a good job about it. The seats had peach colored leather upholstery and the radio seemed only capable of picking up a station that played round the clock Iron More >
