The Alien Venture: episode 2

for episode guide go here

A Restaurant that serves everything

Episode Two: The Venue

The following morning Jan picked me up at 8 A.M. sharp. When I say picked me up I mean that literally because one minute we were chatting by my front door and the next we were in front of a derelict warehouse in one of the more sleazy areas of town. No, this time I had not been drinking but I had to admit that Jan’s form of transportation sure beat the bus or the broken down Toyota that my wife had taken with her on her tennis elope.

“So what do you think Mr.T?” said Jan, obviously meaning the broken down warehouse that must have held the record for been the shabbiest place on Earth. The outer walls were overrun with mildew, the window panes were smashed, judging from the stench the locals were using it as a watering hole and to top it all  there were fashionable holes in the roof  the size of small elephants.

“What can I say?”

“I thought you’d like it. My friend Han wasn’t so sure but both Dan and I knew the real thing when we saw it. So when do you think we should open?”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m an open minded guy but there was no way I could envisage this dump ever serving as a restaurant. Several years back I spent a few months on a farm in Southern Georgia and I can tell you the pigsty there was much more promising.
“Look Jan, I appreciate your offer and everything, but I can’t really see this du.. place becoming a restaurant. It will need a hell of a lot of work.”
“Ah Mr. T. you’re forgetting about thought projection.”

“I’m not sure I’m with you there. Isn’t that how you went about reading my mind?”

“Oh you humans, you’re so cute. Mr T. just think how you would like the restaurant should look and leave the rest to us.”

“I was wondering about that us thing. How many of you are there?”

“Oh, we wont need many on this project, so lets just say that apart from you and me there’s my brother-in law Dan, my sister Han, my wife Amanda, my second wife  Pamela, who likes to be called  Pan. Then  in the kitchen there will be my Gran, my Nan, my mother-in-laws Anne and Annie and of course our Chinese Poo dog Wan.”

” I hope you mean poodle. Anyway, you can’t have a dog in the kitchen, the authorities will go berserk.”
“Oh I’m sure everything will be fine as long as we keep her away from the curry. She loves your curry but her movements aren’t what they used to be.”

I left Wan’s movements, not wanting a more detailed description.

“O.K. Jan, all this has been a bit of a mouthful for me. You say you have two wives and two mothers-in law?”

“Yes but I try and keep them locked up at night. ‘Accidents’ have been known to happen.”

“Point taken. So let me sleep on all of this.”

Sleeping, it turned out, wasn’t all that easy that night. Since Jan has stepped into my kitchen my world was becoming insane. When I finally managed to fall asleep, I had the most hysterical dream. I was managing this new diner but the interior design kept changing. In some booths customers were lying in bed and eating on bedside tables while in others clients were using fishing rods to catch their main course from an aquarium that ran below the tables. After that the dream ran downhill with hungry patrons chasing hot dogs on wheels through what looked like a really geeky amusement park. I finally woke up after witnessing wide-eyed chimpanzees, perched on the top of red and white and blue pine trees, swing over the tables and drop  fresh coconut and pineapple sundaes. My head ached and I wasn’t really sure if I had been hit by a stray coconut or what.

At 8 A.M. sharp Jan was at my door wearing a smart navy suit, a turquoise Ziggie Stardust  necktie and a smile that he had borrowed from Johnny Carson. I noticed something strange. Up to now his appearance was immaculate, perhaps too perfect. His hair was cut like an Italian movie star, his eyes a stunning blue and there were no sign of any beard shadow. This morning however he had a black eye. I remembered the mention of two wives and mothers-in law from the previous night.

“So, did you have a family quarrel, last night?” I asked pointing at Jan’s blown up left eye.

“No such luck”, he replied, “It was one of those damn monkeys.”

to be continued…..

© 2011 Steve Taite. All rights reserved.
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