1. The pictures of the young girls in the slim bikinis were taken 30 years ago. You get the updated version. 2. The round the clock, all you can eat buffets aren't half as appealing when you've spent your day throwing up over the port side of the ship. 3. If you want to avail yourself of one of the ten available treadmills you must sign up on the first day and with a bit of luck you'll get your 15 minutes...

Now that Steve Jobs has displayed the Ipad to the world, it remains to be seen which new devices he will conquer the world with in the years to come. Here, from our personal inside mole at a top secret Apple research lab, is a guide to a few of the new products Apple is secretly working on. 1. The Ipotty. Press for number one or number two as applicable 2. The Imobile. Tomorrows breakthrough in mobile...

Taking a shower while boiling a hard boiled egg. Wearing socks with holes in them while visiting a mosque. Eating sushi with a knife and fork in a Tokyo restaurant. Eating M&Ms with a knife and fork if you're not appearing on a sitcom. Posting a nude photograph of your ex-boss on Facebook - people have gone missing presumed dead for less. Bungee jumping over the George Washington Bridge while 7...

Many myths exist regarding the roots of the world's most popular game. They are all lies. It is time for the truth. When we say football, for all  you Americans, we are not, I repeat not, talking about the Yankee version of rugby invented by Miller Lite that involves ridiculously dressed college students and flaky girl cheerleaders with pompoms). Football, or soccer, is a serous game in which fans dress up and  paint...

O.K. so I know when I've got a good thing going. You loved my earlier blog 100 things to when you're bored. Here are 40 more ideas 1. Paint your monitor black. 2. Paint your monitor screen black. 3. Try to get the paint of your screen before your boss sees it and fires you. 4. Write a musical about four legged animals who sing songs based on a long dead poet. - Oh that one's been done. Sorry, there are...

Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear  behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with  Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...

1. The pictures of the young girls in the slim bikinis were taken 30 years ago. You get the updated version. 2. The round the clock, all you can eat buffets aren't half as appealing when you've spent your day throwing up over the port side of the ship. 3. If you want to avail yourself of one of the ten available treadmills you must sign up on the first day and with a bit of luck you'll get your 15 minutes...

A foreigner's first experience with a Japanese toilet could easily be compared with a teenagers first experience with love. You meet this gorgeous girl during the school recess but you have no idea what to do about it. No-one has given you an instructions manual. The same can be said about Japanese washlets - right  you really don't want to call it a toilet any more than you'd call a Jaguar E-Type Roaster a car - t...

"Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements." English interpretation: "My sister's a lush, my daughter in law bollimic, my son insists on making it out with a cow, my husband's so senile that he tries to put it in the vacuum cleaner and my favorite Corgi has eloped to America." --- "It's all to do with the training: you c...

Name: the Almighty Location: here, there and everywhere Web: www.thoushallnotkill.com Followers: tens of millions - I'm the almighty not one not Demi's live-in playmate! Following: Oprah - much more productive than Maria Noah_273 - OK so he's got a few bolts loose and his pigtail is really not in, but what the hell - he makes me smile. Maybe I'll give him a flood of his own. Then he'll have something...

1:The Beginning I was sitting innocently on the beach, minding my own business when a huge wave slung this bottle at me. Luckily it was a plastic  coke bottle  and not a discarded wine bottle, which could easily have broken my nose. From inside I extracted  the following message. My name is unimportant, you can call me Marion, no wait make that Rhiannon. If I get my choice it may as well be something sexy. I li...

I Martin William Luthor Goodfellow, a resident of Bel Air, being of sound and disposing mind and memory, hereby bequeath the following: To my beautiful blonde secretary Marilyn, who found the time to sit by my sick bed  while my family were off celebrating Independence Day, I bequeath $500,000 in cash. To My son Andrew, who, for reasons known only to himself, goes by the nickname The Blade, adorns over a ...

Celebrity Trash Cans We sent the Tate Gallery roving reporter around the globe to delve into the trash cans of the rich and famous. Here is what he found. Madonna - Unread paperback copy of Sex in the City Sharon Stone - Bestselling novel How to become rich and famous without getting out of Bed  Jennifer Aniston - Angelina Jolie voodoo doll with detached head.  Jay Leno - Conan O' Brian voodoo doll w...

The prize is a priceless contract to lead the panel of judges on the most popular TV show in America. The winner gets Unlimited amounts of Coca Cola A chance to verbally abuse every would be, could be, should be and God help me who thinks they can sing. A free two week course in the use of eyebrow expressions A great wardrobe consisting of cheap jeans and plain T-shirts. Ladies and...

Celebrity Trash Cans We sent the Tate Gallery roving reporter around the globe to delve into the trash cans of the rich and famous. Here is what he found. Madonna - Unread paperback copy of Sex in the City Sharon Stone - Bestselling novel How to become rich and famous without getting out of Bed  Jennifer Aniston - Angelina Jolie voodoo doll with detached head.  Jay Leno - Conan O' Brian voodoo doll w...