Best humor blog for everyday life
Archive for November, 2010
Last Rites
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Last wrongs, last rights
Last makeups, last fights.
Last calls for just one more
Last chance to slam the door.
Last supper, last piece of cake
Last reoccuring nightmare when you’re wide awake.
Last Train to Clarksville , last Twist and Shout
Last call for boarding the last plane out.
Last dance of the evening, last time to move on.
Last Harry Potter then the wiz kid is gone.
Last to cross the finish line at the N.Y. mid spring run.
Last to see the bank clerk is being accosted with a gun.
First to get the last word More >
Heard on Twitter
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Listening to Susan Boyle's new Christmas CD. It makes one want to take the turkey out of the oven and put your head in it. - Joan Rivers
The best things in life are free - plus shipping and handling
Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. -Jerry Seinfeld
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one during sex and was Shot dead by the woman's husband.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Is it More > 
Cruise vacations: 10 things they never told you about
1. The pictures of the young girls in the slim bikinis were taken 30 years ago. You get the updated version. 2. The round the clock, all you can eat buffets aren’t half as appealing when you’ve spent your day throwing up over the port side of the ship. 3. If you want to avail yourself of one of the ten available treadmills you must sign up on the first day and with a bit of luck you’ll get your 15 minutes worth on the last day of the trip. 4. If you weigh more than 120 kilo on arrival, More >
The Death of Redemption
I met the messiah on an overcast morn While we both stood in line for the dole. Frostbite nights in his carton on Montegue St. Had visibly taken their toll. Still, the smile that he gave me promised some hope As we shared a cold throwaway “Remember son, that the game must be won before you reach the end of day”. —– I didn’t see him the following week Though I thought that I once heard his voice. I started work as a fast food temp I didn’t really have any choice. A glimpse of a smile on a hamburger More >
Work Signs or Sins
Signs found at the work place
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
The Filthy Rich Network
Coming to a cable TV service near you (If you happen to live in Bel Air or Beverly Hills) The F.I.R.N. Network Shows premiering this fall:
Extreme Makeover – housekeeper edition – watch and wonder as your dreary housekeeper Emma is transformed into the Maid of your dreams
Modest Family. A fat rich elderly retired rock star marries a South American model with an attitude and her overweight son and tries to hide the fact that he’s loaded. The fact that they live in a 24 room mansion doesn’t spoil the plot.
Entertaining Tonight – great ideas for intimate dinners with less than eighty More >
The Security System
Madge and Bill lived in a neighborhood which, in their words, “was going to the dogs”. Their five bedroom New Jersey house boasted matching wallpaper and carpets, a dining table that could comfortably sit 20 people but never did, and a waterless dolphin shaped swimming pool in the back garden which they were very proud of. They moved in, seven years earlier, together with their twin poodles Tweedledumb and Tweedledunn, one dead parrot (an heirloom) and their four kids Mark Anthony, Fletcher, Donna and Jor-el ( they were founder members of the local Marlon Brando Fan Club). East Gandol was More >
The High Heel Marathon
Not everyone gets to participate in the Olympics or even the New York Marathon, what about all the fashion conscious women around who wouldn’t be caught dead without a pair of high heeled Pradas. For these fine women, and the occasional man (see below), the high heel marathon was invented.
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don't want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.More >
Angry Birds, Super Mario and Glee
Angry Birds is a multi level smartphone game making history. Almost 10 million copies of it have been downloaded. At present count there are over 600 levels to the game with more being added all the time. The idea behind the game is to kill or blow up an army of pigs using a catapult and a variety of egg laying and exploding birds. Yes I know it sounds stupid but can 10 million people be wrong? The game calls for a combination of accuracy and planning, oh and a fine sense of humor. Remind you of Super Mario, the More >
Burka Band
The Burka Band was an all-female indie rock band from Kabul, Afghanistan, now disbanded. They performed anonymously, all of the members wearing burqas in an apparent protest against the Taliban’s rules regarding Islamic dress. They released a single, “Burka Blue” and a self-titled album in 2002. They have been called the “Spice Girls of Afghanistan” and played Western rock instruments – electric guitar, drum kit while wearing traditional head-to-toe burkas. Their hit single features them singing about burkas, in English: “…My mother wears blue jeans now, and I am so surprised, the things are changing faster, I don’t know if it’s right…”
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved.
If you More > 
20 things you can learn from TV
- Travel is educational; it teaches you how to get rid of money in a hurry.Travel is educational; it teaches you how to get rid of money in a hurry.
- The best free gifts are given away on Oprah.
- Women in haunted houses always walk around in their underwear.
- Women under threat of a crazy psychopath always walk around in their underwear.
- No women seen on TV ever buy their underwear at Walmart.
- There is no such thing as an ugly or fat female lawyer.
- All police chiefs are Afro American.
- Chefs always wear designer clothes that never stain.
- It is against the law for chefs to drink anything More >
There Goes the Bride
Maybe all these special wedding photographs aren’t such a good idea, especially when they find their way to the internet.
Just one more quarter darling - I think it's my lucky day
feeding time
Mata Who? No This is from 5th Ave
I saw my brother do this
I'm getting the feeling that these clever pre-wedding photos aren't all that clever after all
I thought I was supposed to be wearing the dress!
Till Death do we part!!!
Don't drink and wed
Mummy can I go home now?
Vigeland
Vigeland Sculpture Park is one of those wonders that you come upon and then can’t resist the necessary Wow!. Because of its location in Frogner Park, Oslo, Norway, it is not as well known as it should be and is thus even more mind blowing. Imagine a great sculptor who’s complete work is collected in one single place and you may begin to realise what I’m getting at. 3 km northwest of the city centre you’ll find 212 bronze and granite sculptures created by Gustav Vigeland depicting the cycle of life.
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved. If you enjoyed this post please leave More >
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don’t have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published “International Flying Guide for Blondes” will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn’t find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary headphones from the plastic bag.
Selected excerpts:
“.When flying to Europe, make sure the department you are sitting in is gong to your destination. A blonde friend of mine was sitting quietly in First More >
Birthday cards you don’t want to receive
Dear Steve, congratulations on your birthday. For this special week only, buy one cemetery plot and get the second one at half price.
Dear Mr. Taite,
the time has come again to celebrate a birthday. We at National Trust Bank wish you all the best and remind you, that the time has also come to cover your overdraft.
Dear sir,
According to our files today is your birthday. Many happy returns. Oh and while we're on the subject, could you find it in your heart to return your library books which are now seven months overdue.
"They say it's your birthday, well it's More > 
