50 Things to do before you hit the bucket
Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...
What the Queen said, and what she really meant
"Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements." English interpretation: "My sister's a lush, my daughter in law bollimic, my son insists on making it out with a cow, my husband's so senile that he tries to put it in the vacuum cleaner and my favorite Corgi has eloped to America." --- "It's all to do with the training: you c...
Adventures in a Japanese Loo
A foreigner's first experience with a Japanese toilet could easily be compared with a teenagers first experience with love. You meet this gorgeous girl during the school recess but you have no idea what to do about it. No-one has given you an instructions manual. The same can be said about Japanese washlets - right you really don't want to call it a toilet any more than you'd call a Jaguar E-Type Roaster a car - t...
The Taite Guide to Airports
We arrived at the airport three hours before departure time. My wife wasn't very happy about that fact but our previous holiday was all but ruined by the fact that the plane took off without us. This was the only time I can remember when my flight actually left when they said it would. We were late due to a traffic jam resulting from the collision between a truck full of boxes of adult Pampers and a semi-trailer...
Commercials from the Real World
Having hard day? Your boss doesn't understand you? Your bank account overdrawn? Your bank manager doesn't understand you? We have just the escape for you. For a limited time only join us on a Homeless Weekend. No necessity to pack any fancy clothes, come as you are and experience a life with no commitments. And just to prove to you how serious we are we'll throw in 3 complementary meals at the Downtown Ki...
The Taite Guide to Airports
We arrived at the airport three hours before departure time. My wife wasn't very happy about that fact but our previous holiday was all but ruined by the fact that the plane took off without us. This was the only time I can remember when my flight actually left when they said it would. We were late due to a traffic jam resulting from the collision between a truck full of boxes of adult Pampers and a semi-trailer...
50 Things to do before you hit the bucket
Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...
The Taite Guide to Celebrity Trash Cans
Celebrity Trash Cans We sent the Tate Gallery roving reporter around the globe to delve into the trash cans of the rich and famous. Here is what he found. Madonna - Unread paperback copy of Sex in the City Sharon Stone - Bestselling novel How to become rich and famous without getting out of Bed Jennifer Aniston - Angelina Jolie voodoo doll with detached head. Jay Leno - Conan O' Brian voodoo doll w...
Morning Zombies
You walk them, You feed them, You tidy up after them - you are one fine canine zombie. At the witching hour, Early morning, The zombies are walking the streets. With only one eye open, The slumber just broken The cyclops admits his defeat. The sidewalks deserted, Their life is inverted By four legs that are attached to a leash. Holy cow it's a weekend But they are ruled by the ...
The Taite Guide to Mothers-in-Law
Mothers-in-Law Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law I could tell what day it was going to be. It was all written in the sky. I woke up without a headache, the sun was shining. I could detect the chirping of robins from the nearby tree. Then the doorbell rang and the storm began. My mother in law is allergic to dishwashers. Well not really allergic she just doesn't believe that ...
The Taite Guide to Project Management
Project Management Life as a project manager is comparable to a mountain climber's. The big difference being that when you get to the peak you find there is no safe way down. Whenever I get really down, my wife reminds me that it takes one women nine months to have a baby and no matter how you try it is impossible to perform the same feat in one month by impregnating nine women. It was a beautiful ...
confessions in a bottle
1:The Beginning I was sitting innocently on the beach, minding my own business when a huge wave slung this bottle at me. Luckily it was a plastic coke bottle and not a discarded wine bottle, which could easily have broken my nose. From inside I extracted the following message. My name is unimportant, you can call me Marion, no wait make that Rhiannon. If I get my choice it may as well be something sexy. I li...
The lighter side of death
Visiting Rites Susan Jane McCoy was a righteous and graceful eighty five year old lady who was spending the last of her days at the St Mary Retirement home in southern New Jersey. One fine morning she requested to speak to the local priest. "Father", she said in a broken, worn out voice "I feel that my time is drawing near and I have two requests." "Mrs. McCoy, you have been a faithful member of our c...
10 new work laws we'd like to see
"All work and no play" well I think it's time to put a n end to all that. Here are ten ways to do it: After a holiday or office party someone automatically brings a double dose of espresso to your desk and no sly remarks about a possible hangover are allowed. - If your boss pisses you off twice in one week you are granted an immediate, paid one day vacation - Coffee served at work must not taste like ...
Minuet: the future Twitter worth at least $1 billion
I'm the sort of guy who has all these great ideas but am unable to do anything with them, which is the reason my apartment is not next to Bill Gates mansion (or Hugh Hefner's for that matter). Some clever kids came up with Facebook , Twitter and Youtube and now take their baths in French champagne on their private 767 jet. Well I have this great idea which I will reveal in a minute, and if someone out there d...

105 Year Old Virgin

Mary Grace Spencer was a born in 1902 and was the most regular churchgoer of the Virgin Hill Baptist Church in Pikeville Tennessee. Not a Sunday ceremony passed by without Mary Grace’s presence. Even when she took a vacation at Tiptonville she always managed to return home for the Sunday prayers. Mary Grace never seemed to be interested n the opposite sex, though she had her far share of suitors banging on her front porch door. Rumours spread over the years of her attraction to members of her own sex were entirely without foundation.
In celebration of her 105th birthday Virgin Hill Baptist Church was repainted and filled with decorations to commemorate this special event.
At 9:00 A.M. sharp the congregation gathered. Every good Christian from miles around honoured the good lady with his presence. Only one citizen was absent, the birthday girl herself. Mary Grace had never in her life been late for church which caused great anxiety among the church goers. At 9:30 a party of three of her friends was send to find her. They found dead body laying face down on her living room carpet. From her left hand they managed to extract a note.
“I know I haven’t got long to live. My last earthly request is to have the following words engraved on my tombstone.
“Here lies Mary Grace Charity Spencer. Born a virgin, lived a virgin and died a virgin.”
The note was duly passed on to Frank the undertaker who promised to do his best.
When the tombstone was unveiled, Frank was forced to admit that he had to adjust the requested wording to read as shown in this cemetery photo:

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