1. Taking a shower while boiling a hard boiled egg.
  2. Wearing socks with holes in them while visiting a mosque.
  3. Eating sushi with a knife and fork in a Tokyo restaurant.
  4. Eating M&Ms with a knife and fork if you’re not appearing on a sitcom.
  5. Posting a nude photograph of your ex-boss on Facebook – people have gone missing presumed dead for less.
  6. Bungee jumping over the George Washington Bridge while 7 months pregnant.
  7. Bungee jumping over the George Washington Bridge while wearing disposable panties.
  8. If your name is Joe Doe, opening up Joe Doe’s Doughnut to Go Ho!
  9. Take of your top  at Mardi Gras if you are over seventy. Seven people from last years event are still in E.R.
  10. Tell horse jokes while still mounted. “Have you heard the one about the stallion with the gas problem?”
  11. Call your therapist in the middle of a job interview to get advice.
  12. Have sex in a phone booth opposite the local police station.
  13. Try to speak Swedish on your first trip to Scandinavia.  No they weren’t pulling your leg at home – it really is a language.
  14. Speaking Double Dutch in Holland.
  15. Speaking Welsh anywhere.
  16. Marrying a cannibal’s maiden daughter after finding out that it s customary for the groom’s side to provide the food.
  17. Taking a six week cruise with your mother-in-law.
  18. Eating gourmet Sloppy Joes
  19. Sing “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz” at Hogwards
  20. Try the reenact The Matrix at home.
  21. Go on a blind date at  Dans le Noir.
  22. Attempt dancing with a bear at Yosemite Park.
  23. Attempt walking on water in Lake Galilee (unless you know where Jesus left the stepping stones).
  24. Report the theft of your stock of Marijuana.
  25. Pay full price in Bangkok for a YPhone.
  26. Pick up a strange girl in a pub named  Lola
  27. Believe the waiter in the Indian restaurant when he tells you the curry marked with 3 red peppers is only mildly spicy.
  28. Letting your pet Labrador beat you at Wii.
  29. Eat your morning cereal with beer instead of milk.
  30. Drink the water in India
  31. Drink the water in New York
  32. Listen to John Lennon’s Revolution #9 while sober
  33. Show off your collection of rare ants on your first date.
  34. Send your kid  to school with a lunch-box of  haggis.
  35. Ask a drunk Scot to show you what he hides under his kilt.
  36. Try to impress your date by taking her to McDonalds and then suggesting you split the bill.
  37. Tattoo “I do Charity” on your left arm, only to realize the next morning that you are now dating her twin sister Hope.
  38. Try to explain to a Parisian film director why American movies are far superior.
  39. Believe there is such a thing as a low calorie hamburger.
  40. Attempt sawing a women in two  after you’ve been out on the town with the lads.
  41. Dance with a rattle-snake.
  42. Dancie with the daughter of the Godfather
  43. Dance with the son of the Godfather who has yet to come out of the closet.
  44. Take fashion advice from Lady Gaga
  45. Explain to a policeman why you are stark naked and cuffed to a fire hydrant in Ohio and have a tattoo of Paris Hilton on your —.
  46. Buy your wife a new iron for her birthday.
  47. Believe your girlfriend / wife / lover when she says she doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day and hates flowers, jewellery and chocolate.
  48. Buy 4 reindeer and attempt to teach them to fly.
  49. Write a book called “Lady Chatterley’s Liver”
  50. Go on a hitchhiking holiday in Columbia
© 2010 Steve Taite. All rights reserved.
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