Best humor blog for everyday life
Archive for July, 2010
The Ageing Taxi Driver
Taxi drivers come in many shapes and sizes, though it would be fair to say that the majority of them could easily fit the part of Tweedledee or Tweedledum. I have talked previously about several breeds of taxi drivers. It is now time to put the record straight regarding the over sixty variety. In a society where many law abiding (and several non law abiding) citizens find themselves unemployed long before they are expected to kick the bucket, it is only fair for our democracies to find them work. Unfortunately this never happens. Yesterday they were lawyers, computer programmers, politicians and More >
10 Great Ways to Conserve Energy
It’s that time of year again. You’ve eaten your way through your summer wardrobe, the kids have succeeded in destroying your computer before you managed to backup the presentation you’ve been working on all week and is due on Monday morning. Your mother-in-law just phoned to say she’ll be coming for the weekend, the forecast is rain, sleet and thunderstorms yet it is over 40 degrees centigrade in the shade and yes the guy who promised to come and fix your air-conditioner has been arrested by immigration. What better time to ask what you can to to help conserve energy. More >
The Meaning of Dreams (part I abduction-alarm clock)
This is the first post of The Taite Gallery Book of Dreams. Look out for more under The Meaning of Dreams category.
Abduction If you dream of being abducted by three handsome Chippendale performers in loose clothing and you are between the ages of 12 and 92 this dream is quite normal. In fact for a small cost we’ll even send you the DVD.
Accordion
If you dream about a popular group playing accordions and banjos you are really out of it and there is really very little that can be done with you. Please return this blog at the service desk and get a More >
5 Men who Failed to Change History
1. Gerald Stonefield, an unemployed Jewish writer from York, thought he had written the play to end plays. A surefire hit. The manager of the Globe Theatre thought otherwise. This may have been due to the fact that a local playwright named Will had recently brought him a similar play that he had named Much Ado About Nothing.
§§§ 2. Along with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden lived a fine lad called Irvine. Eve, an obsessive eater who was already a bit overweight (see Michelangelo’s ceiling for proof), constantly complained to Irvine about her chest pains (He was a More >
If IT Projects were run by Militant Groups
It was a normal Monday morning. Well that is ’till 10:00 A.M. when Larry and I were ushered into the board room. The chairman of the board and several other managers were already seated and two men in dark black suits whom I failed to recognize. “Good Morning Gentlemen”, opened the chairman and I immediately noticed that none of the female managers were present. “I have called this meeting to announce a few changes to the firm. Firstly, as a result of a hostile takeover, the company is now part of the Salam Medina Overseas Investment Group.”
Suddenly without warning one More >
Luxury Spas: The Truth Beneath the Robes
Many an British or American tourist has succeeded in making a fool of himself as a result of misunderstanding the minute differences between the different kinds of spas. Here, in an attempt to further international relations and help forward world peace, is our ultimate guide to luxury spas around the world.
The American Spa – a place where bored, overweight, married women meet, cover their eyes with cucumbers and gossip while their husbands are having it off with their secretaries at the Share A Ton Motel.
The French Spa – a place where bored housewives and mistresses sip Champagne and compare stories while their More >
10 Reasons to work for the Mafia (and 1 reason why not)
10 reasons to work for the mafia
1. You got an offer you couldn’t refuse 2. Their lunch room is to die for 3. What other job boasts a uniform designed by Versache?
4. The have their own bank and you don’t have to pay commissions.
5. You get a great discount on Vegas hotel rooms.
6. They have a great tax exemption program.
7. You get to dine with politicians.
8. You can have a mistress and a wife and nobody complains.
9. Because it’s a more respected profession than being a lawyer.
10. You don’t need a college degree, a first degree will do fine.
Reason More >
The Married Man’s Playboy
Thanks to tweeters @maverika and @truth_candour for the inspiration
Due to the declining circulation of Playboy Magazine and it’s boring cable channels, Playboy executives have been searching for a new venue that will keep them away from Chapter 11 and a hostile takeover from Penthouse. They may just have found it in their new Hubby Magazine the Adult Magazine for the Married Man. Here is an exclusive peak behnd the covers of the first issue.
In this months issueThe Hubby Forum: Answers to all the questions that you were afraid to ask your mother (or mother-in-law)
- Why does my wife’s clothes More >
50 Things to do Before you Die
1. Eat a monster slice of cake covered in whipped cream in a Viennese cafe without once thinking how many calories it contains.
2. Learn 50 Japanese swear words and use them on the New York subway.
3. Teach a rabbinical student to break-dance..
4. Finally find out what happened to Baby Jane
5. Get listed in the Guinness Book of records for the first person in the world to eat over 300 sushi at a wedding with his hands tied behind his back..
6. For an entire week, eat only at five star restaurants that have no menus and who serve dishes you are unable More >
10 Signs that Hot Summers in Europe are Here to Stay
1. The capitol you are presently visiting has hit an average temperature of 38C for the tenth consecutive year and they are finally talking about installing air conditioners by the year 2034.
2. The younger generation Italians are now bathing twice a week as opposed to the traditional once.
3. The Austrian board of health is recommending the consumption of at least 3 litres of beer a day.
4. The coffee shops in Amsterdam are now serving their magic mushrooms chilled and there is even talk of selling coffee.
5. The Trivi Fountain in Rome has been officially declared a kiddies pool.
6. The aroma More >
Things People Steal from Hotel Rooms
The following is a true story.
In a different era, my mother, must to the embarrassment of us kids, used to return from every vacation with a souvenir ashtray from the hotel she had visited. At a certain time during her life she worked as a tourist group courier, which meant she listened to all their complaints and persuaded them it was not necessary to shoot the pianist in the bar just because he refused to play Speedy Gonzales. One evening, just before a group coach pulled away from the hotel, the manager called my mother and asked that they open one of More >
The Rich and the Richer
A Saudi student sends an e-mail to his Father
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful. The people are nice , the food is good and I really like it here. I do however have one little problem.
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college everyday in my Gold Mercedes when all my teachers and fellow students travel by train. Your Son Nasser
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-
Sometime later Nasser receives a reply to his e-mail from his Father:
Loving son, I have transferred Twenty Million Dollars to your account.
Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.
If you enjoyed this post please leave More >
If all Movies Had Happy Endings: Titanic
Over the decades since the invention of the motion picture, the industry has been divided between two approaches; the movie with a message and the movie with a happy ending. The European Film Industry (they don’t know from movies!) tended to opt for the former whereas Hollywood generally took the approach more popular at the box office. Often novels and true historical events were adapted to help bring in the much needed dollars. In this way tragic stories such as Pocahontas were retold minus their sad endings. There are a few Hollywood blockbusters that didn’t abide by the rule but More >
You Ain’t Going Nowhere
A man in a trenchcoat Crying to the barman Tries to recall what went wrong. A girl with a Mary Shares her heart in Kareoke As an audience of three sing along. An ageing ballerina Who might be called Tina Acts like she hasn’t a care. As the singer like me Sings entirely off key “you aint going nowhere”.
A beauty queen former Collapses in the corner While the barman catches her glass. Every night is the same, They all gather in shame All desperate for the blue note to pass. The barman’s their light He’s with them all night And More >
10 Reasons to Live on the Moon
1. You get to ride these cute buggies without paying the exorbitant Disney prices.
2. You get to wear these goofy space helmets without the girls telling you what a stupid geek you are.
3. You get a front row seat to watch the atomic bomb explode back on mother earth without worrying about the fallout.
4. You can awe your grandchildren with tales of your visit to the Dark Side.
5. It’s a great place for a cheese lovers.
6. You are a big meditation freak and you heard about a new spa facing the Sea of Tranqulity.
7. You won’t feel overweight – don’t knock More >
Li Wel: Unreal Photographs with a Punch of Reality
Li Wel is a 40 year old Chinese photographer who uses the tricks of his trade to make the unbelievable seem real and often shocking. In many of his photographs humans are suspended in mid air – an affect that is either angelic or scary depending on the context. Here are a few of hs more interesting works. A full catalogue can be found on his site Li Wei Art
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Ours is not to Reason Why
I never met a man who was politically exclusive.
I never read a paper that wasn’t inconclusive.
I’ve never been on a vacation that wasn’t followed up with work
That had piled up there without me, just to help me go berserk.
I do not know the reason why a cold beer tastes so great.
Or that ice-cream’s so appealing when you try to lose some weight.
A wise blind man once told me that we don’t see eye to eye.
‘Cause Kipling long before me said - “Ours is not to reason why”.
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10 Signs that Your Boss is a Werewolf
A story about an American Werewolf
Some realisations take a while to sink in. Such was the case with Chuck Lobison. We were first introduced to him during a late June, Monday morning, staff meeting. The freak thunderstorm outside that had brought traffic to a standstill should have given us a clue as to what was to follow. Silly us. We all blamed the global warning. Who could of guessed.
Larry was his usual happy self. I took this to be the result of his recent separation and the fact that he was now shacking up in a mid-town loft with a More >
The War between Americans and Canadians
I found this on Moonbuggy
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Bloggerella
Once upon a time
In the land of nursery rhyme
Lived a lass by the name of Bloggerella.
Between the dishes that she washed
And the tomatoes that she squashed
She wrote all about her imaginary fella.
On her pad she spilled a tale
Of a prince who could not fail.
He defeated every dragon with his force.
His green eyes shone in the eve.
Had muscles you can’t believe
And of course he came equipped with one white horse.
——-
Such was the life of Bloggerella
Spending day after day down in her cellar.
Her writing smudged a bit with tears
Told of her passions and her fears.
But there was no-one else around who might come More >
