Clint Eastwood has turned eighty. Somethings are inconceivable. My local cable movie station is having an Eastwood marathon to honor his birthday and last night I caught Dirty Harry. Now Dirty Harry is a film I must have seen twenty times but haven’t caught it in the last decade. The film came out on 1971, almost forty years ago, so I thought I’d give it a few moments of time. Just the opening credits and the first few scenes. Just for old times sake. Or at least I thought. The movie was so good that I watched it through, oblivious of my surroundings and the fact that I had an early start the next morning. It is seldom that a film so old is still so relevant. In fact if you show it to a member of the new generation they would probably never notice the fact that it wasn’t newly released. Nothing hints it’s out of place. Well there are a few telltale hints that it wasn’t made in 2010. The police chief isn’t Afro American, the sidekick isn’t gay and it’s not in 3D. What is really surprising is the fact that nobody has tried for a remake. True, no known upcoming star could ever match Clint’s classic portrayal of Harry, but then that was before the release of the sequel The Son of Dirty Harry: Dirty Larry?

From the people who gave you Charlie’s Angels Revisited, The Beverly Hillbillies on Mars and Sex in the City 29 comes:

Dirty Larry 5D

The moving story of Larry Callahan, the meanest teen ever to join the force in San Francisco, whose only thought is how to avenge the father he never knew.

Directed in living 5D by James Cameron (with help from Pixel Productions)

Starring
Eddie Murphy as the police Chief (and his wife and twin daughters)
Brad Pitt as Larry (OK he’s no longer a teen but don’t tell anyone)
Howard Stern as the psychopath (you didn’t see that one coming!)

Also Featuring Ellen Degeneres in her first straight role as Larry’s not so straight sidekick Rodrigo the Degenerate
and YOU (thanks to the revolutionary 5D technology developed by pornarama.com) as the poor hostage about to be ravaged and brutally murdered by the invading aliens who are hungry for your blood and a free ride.

§ Follow Larry (Pitt) as he takes the town my storm handing out his bloody vengeance to all takers and autographs to lucky fans in the front row.

§ Feel your seat explode as Larry points his loaded 5D Magnum Laser gun directly at you.

§ Throw up in your theater seat when it is highjacked and thrown onto a six lane highway during rush hour.

Movies have never been more fun.

Coming to a rundown cinemaplex near you this summer.