Best humor blog for everyday life
Archive for June, 2010
Minuet: the future Twitter worth at least $1 billion
I’m the sort of guy who has all these great ideas but am unable to do anything with them, which is the reason my apartment is not next to Bill Gates mansion (or Hugh Hefner’s for that matter). Some clever kids came up with Facebook , Twitter and Youtube and now take their baths in French champagne on their private 767 jet. Well I have this great idea which I will reveal in a minute, and if someone out there decides to adopt it and become the next billionaire then fine, just sent me my million and we will both More >
What Kind of a Person Are You?
The kind of person you are often depends on your outlook on life more than your heritage, color or race.
Are you the type of person who agrees with what I just said or not?
Much of the way others look at us and how we judge ourselves is basically a yes / no answer. Do you find yourself attractive? Notice I didn’t ask if you are attractive, or f others find you attractive. Do you find yourselves attractive? Recently history is full of attractive starlets who didn’t appreciate themselves. This goes for every little piece of data in our lives. Check out More >
A work of Art: this time with real artists
In the search for the ultimate reality show, with a seasoning of culture, A Work of Art may open a new frontier for the fusion between art and reality. If Sarah Jessica Parker and friends have gone this far, why not go all the way. Here is a preview of A Work of Art Celebrity Special.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Welcome to the A Work of Art Celebrity Special. Thanks to an enormous budget, latest DNA breakthroughs and a weirdo producer who wears boxers with pictures of George Washington, we were able to approach major artists, living and dead to appear in our project. More >
Bleeding Angel
Bleeding Angel - Picture by Jake Hercy
I came across a bleeding angel. She was half way across the street. Her hair was green but her tongue was red. There were blisters on her feet. She asked me for some guidance For she had clearly gone astray. All I could give her were pennies from heaven To see her on her way.
—————————
A month or two passed between us. Or maybe t was more. I was looking for coffee to shelter the storm She was standing by the door. I considered asking her to join me, But she wasn’t dressed the part. More >
Monty Python’s Not the Messiah (He’s a Very Naughty Boy)
Not the Messiah
First there was the TV show Monty Python’s Flying Circus, the most revolutionary TV event to hit the BBC since Jesus. Then there were the books – The Big Red Book was actually blue. The record albums – you know those black round things with the hole in the middle that aren’t donuts – were equally as original. The first album, aptly called Another Monty Python Record,, boasted the cover of Beethoven’s #2 Symphony in D Minor with the real title scribbled in the corner. The original album had a third groove so that when you played the More >
Food for Thought: Fusions for the Masses
It takes a lot of imagination to feed the masses regularly and make money. Here are a few of the weirder examples to have hit the market.
Chocolate beer: One price twice the calories. You pay for the beer belly, we give you the fat ass for free!
Vodka donuts – Available around Hanukah only but sure gets the party rolling.
Champagne and whipped cream. Think about it. Need I say more, Available in the classier hotels (and a couple of sleazy motels we won’t mention here).
Real Winegums with the emphasis on real. No need for paper bags, a couple of sucks and you’re away. More >
Glee – The Parodies
Glee, as everyone on this planet who has a TV knows, is this years greatest success. There are already 5 Glee albums, talk of a Glee movie and of course millions of really bad Glee parodies on YouTube. Here are a few chosen ones. I really had to dip deep to find them among all the trash.
Gl
If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don’t want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
More >
10 Ways to get rid of an Annoying Co-Worker
Has the person sitting next to you at work yet to discover the word deodorant?
Does your co-worker sing Abba songs aloud eight hours a day?
Does your co-worker pick his nose, thinking no one is watching, our excavate his ears?
Does your co-worker were micro mini-skirts even though she weighs over 90 kg and is almost 62?
Does the guy sitting opposite you tap on his desk with an HB pencil, mistaking himself for the drummer from Guns and Roses?
Is your co-worker allergic to everything and sneezes so loud that the corpses in the nearby cemetery have filed a complaint?
If you answered YES to at More >
10 Reasons why it’s Fun to Work in Open Space
1. You hear more gossip than in the News of the World and the National Inquirer put together.
2. You’re never alone. People are forever dropping in without being invited
3. You discover ringtones you never dreamed of.
4. It is hard for people to talk behind your back.
5. If you die on the job someone might notice.
6. If you put a mirror on the wall you get to stare at the person you love the most the entire day.
7. It’s great training camp for prison confinement.
8. It can cure claustrophobia.
9. It can give you claustrophobia.
10. Because the boss says so.
(Inspired by Sadya)
If you More >
The Extinct Language
The introduction of the SMS message and the Tweet into our daily lives has finally taken its toll.
The Thesaurus will soon be extinct. We will miss him.
(courtesy of neatoshop)
If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don’t want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
Emails we wish we could Recall
"You bastard. Don't bother coming home tonight. I have changed all the locks anyway. I also did some spring cleaning and threw all your clothes out of the window. The homeless bearded guy, who lives across from Starbucks, seems really happy in your tux. I am writing this mail from the new Ipad your mother bought you for your birthday. It's a bit dusty so when I'm finished I'll put it in the washer together with those expensive, leather cowboy boots you bought in Rome. You piece of S! How could you do this to me? Who is the red More >
Working too Hard
I was lingering around the cafeteria, taking a well deserved break when I heard this story about two overstressed computer programmers who worked for the firm.
The two programmers Matt and Randy had been working suicidal hours for some time now and hadn’t once succeeded in taking a vacation.
One morning, Matt lifted his head from the computer for a second and said to Randy:
“Hey, I’ve got an idea how to organize some vacation time.”
“How?” answered Randy.
Instead of answering him, Matt looked around to make sure there was no manager around. Seeing the coast was clear Matt carefully placed his chair on More >
The Taite Guide to Banks
Banks are perhaps the world’s most popular institutions.
Where would we be without the smiling faces of the bank tellers, the courteous bank managers, always there to give us advice and help make our lives more fruitful.
Proof of the popularity of banks is everywhere.
There are almost as many bank branches as there are McDonalds. Proof is in the numbers.
——————————————-
Ten Reasons Why I Love Banks
Nine Reasons Why I Love Banks
Eight Reasons Why I Love Banks
Seven Reasons Why I Love Banks
Six Reasons Why I Love Banks
Five Reasons Why I Love Banks
Four Reasons Why I Love Banks
Three Reasons Why I Love Banks
1. They have great air-conditioning
2. More >
Tweets from Celebs and other Twits
Famous Celebs, past and present, try their luck at Twitter
James Joyce: I came. I did her. Blah blah blah. The end.
D.H. Lawrence: Hello. Want to see my shed? Bank Wham thank you Mam.
The Who. Who am I, who’s next, who’s for sale , who’s to blame? Too much acid on the brain
Paul Simon: Me and Hulio got busted again in the school yard. Must change location
Shakespeare: To be? Not to be? To be? Not to be? Oh what the hell just give me a Guinness
Michelangelo: I swear I didn’t touch that naked kid. It was all about art.
Michael Jackson: I swear I didn’t touch that More >
The God Twitter: Memorable Tweets from the Almighty
Location: here, there and everywhere
Web: www.thoushallnotkill.com
Followers: tens of millions – I’m the almighty not one not Demi’s live-in playmate!
Following: Oprah – much more productive than Maria
Noah_273 – OK so he’s got a few bolts loose and his pigtail is really not in, but what the hell – he makes me smile. Maybe I’ll give him a flood of his own. Then he’ll have something to tweet about.
Obama : Only joking
Latest tweets:
Quite a boring morning maybe I should conjure up a tornado over Manhattan
@ellen_degeneres listen lady you’re not funny.
@keithrichards I apologise 4 mistaking u 4 the devil. You have 2 admit there’s a resemblance
Caused a More >
What is the Meaning of Life? Beats me but here some other unanswered questions that bother us.
For centuries scientists, philosophers, pop song artists and flying circus members have been pondering the eternal question:
what is the meaning of life?
Centuries later, millions of bored Internet surfers have found other annoying questions that have yet to be answered. Here are a chosen few for the chosen few.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, why are there locks on the doors?
Do blind people believe in love at first sight?
Do fish ever get thirsty?
If con is the opposite of pro the opposite of progress is?
What do you say if God sneezes?
At a movie theatre which arm rest is yours?
If you dug a hole More >
Not a Football Fanatic
Before I get into this post, I have to make one thing clear, no I am not gay. That is not to say that I have anything against the gay community.. some of my best friends and coworkers are gay. It’s just that I’m not. Can I prove it I hear you say. Well I hate Abba, refuse to watch Sex and the City (TV or movies) and I don’t like Glee. O.K. scratch the last one, I like Glee, it’s quite good, but that doesn’t prove anything. My brother likes Glee and during World Cup season you can’t get More >
I am the Walrus revisited: Walrus_2222
Once upon a time, many years ago, before the invention of the internet, youtube and Simon Cowell, there lived a group of Liverpudlians who sang their hearts, got very rich and asked the Queen Mother of England to rattle her jewellery at one of their concerts. At the time there was a television station (you remember TV right?) called the BBC who reluctantly agreed to allow the fabulous four to produce their own TV movie, without first checking if someone had written a screenplay, or if J P G and R had any idea of what they were doing. This disastrous decision resulted, More >
World Cup Bee Silencer
For a limited time only
Are you fed up of all the stupid noise?
Are all the bee noises ruining your concentration.
Must you witness your favourite players losing their mind?
We have the answer.
For the mere price of $500 a game we will send our bee silencer team into the crowd and deal with the nuisance.
The B Team
If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment and pass on to your friends. If not feel free to pass on to your enemies. Don’t want to miss a post? What are you waiting for, subscribe now or follow me on twitter.
More >
The Unemployed Bank Robber: the Next Generation
The Place: Starbucks Meeting Place for the Unemployed
The Atmosphere: A mix blend of coffee aroma and sweat.
Sign on the wall as you come in: “To make your stay here more pleasant, Please make sure you are standing in the right line.
There are three lines marked Tall, Grande and Venti:
Tall is for people who consider themselves tall
Grand is for those of you who consider themselves grande
Venti is for you fat slops who are neither tall nor grande.
A miserable midget is running around frantic, trying to find the right line.
Conversation overheard between unemployment office employee and grande middle-aged man.“Welcome to the Starbucks More >
