Google Searching Taite - Come in Please!
Google is a great toy. You never know what you will find next there. I was wondering why my post 100 Things to do when You're Bored received so many hits from Goggle when I thought of checking the search keywords people used to get to my site (compliments of Google Analytics of course). Here are some the weirder ones. I swear they are all real. --- ...
The History of Dating
The Caveman Era - the first date He: Uggh She: Uggh yourself He bangs her over head and drags her into the cave. Date over! ================== Romeo and Juliet Romeo [To Juliet] If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. JULIET [to her nurse] I swear, I don't...
40 more things to do when you're bored
O.K. so I know when I've got a good thing going. You loved my earlier blog 100 things to when you're bored. Here are 40 more ideas 1. Paint your monitor black. 2. Paint your monitor screen black. 3. Try to get the paint of your screen before your boss sees it and fires you. 4. Write a musical about four legged animals who sing songs based on a long dead poet. - Oh that one's been done. Sorry, there are...
50 Things to do before you hit the bucket
Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...
confessions in a bottle
1:The Beginning I was sitting innocently on the beach, minding my own business when a huge wave slung this bottle at me. Luckily it was a plastic coke bottle and not a discarded wine bottle, which could easily have broken my nose. From inside I extracted the following message. My name is unimportant, you can call me Marion, no wait make that Rhiannon. If I get my choice it may as well be something sexy. I li...
Aliens for Neighbours: How to spot Co-Workers from Another Planet
It all started with a nightmare brought on by an overdose of chocolate, beer and late night horror movies. The dream started off normally enough. Getting up, eating breakfast, commuting to work. Then I noticed something peculiar. Something about my co-workers didn't seem kosher. Was it the fact that the doorman's skin was a bright green, or that our secretary was finding it difficult to hide her middle leg. Only a ...
The lighter side of death
Visiting Rites Susan Jane McCoy was a righteous and graceful eighty five year old lady who was spending the last of her days at the St Mary Retirement home in southern New Jersey. One fine morning she requested to speak to the local priest. "Father", she said in a broken, worn out voice "I feel that my time is drawing near and I have two requests." "Mrs. McCoy, you have been a faithful member of our c...
11 Things you shouldn't do at a wedding
1. Get blind drunk and hang your panties on the chandelier while performing your version of "Yes I Cancan" 2. Have sex with the best man in the bathroom during the wedding ceremony. 3. Though you are the best man, have sex n the bathroom with the maid of honour and lose the wediing ring down the toilet in a moment of unexplained animal passion. 4. Have sex with the best man and the maid of honour in the ...
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...
The God Twitter: Memorable Tweets from the Almighty
Name: the Almighty Location: here, there and everywhere Web: www.thoushallnotkill.com Followers: tens of millions - I'm the almighty not one not Demi's live-in playmate! Following: Oprah - much more productive than Maria Noah_273 - OK so he's got a few bolts loose and his pigtail is really not in, but what the hell - he makes me smile. Maybe I'll give him a flood of his own. Then he'll have something...
The Taite Guide to Airports
We arrived at the airport three hours before departure time. My wife wasn't very happy about that fact but our previous holiday was all but ruined by the fact that the plane took off without us. This was the only time I can remember when my flight actually left when they said it would. We were late due to a traffic jam resulting from the collision between a truck full of boxes of adult Pampers and a semi-trailer...
confessions in a bottle
1:The Beginning I was sitting innocently on the beach, minding my own business when a huge wave slung this bottle at me. Luckily it was a plastic coke bottle and not a discarded wine bottle, which could easily have broken my nose. From inside I extracted the following message. My name is unimportant, you can call me Marion, no wait make that Rhiannon. If I get my choice it may as well be something sexy. I li...
The Taite Guide to Mothers-in-Law
Mothers-in-Law Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law I could tell what day it was going to be. It was all written in the sky. I woke up without a headache, the sun was shining. I could detect the chirping of robins from the nearby tree. Then the doorbell rang and the storm began. My mother in law is allergic to dishwashers. Well not really allergic she just doesn't believe that ...
50 Things to do before you hit the bucket
Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...
The Invention of Football
Many myths exist regarding the roots of the world's most popular game. They are all lies. It is time for the truth. When we say football, for all you Americans, we are not, I repeat not, talking about the Yankee version of rugby invented by Miller Lite that involves ridiculously dressed college students and flaky girl cheerleaders with pompoms). Football, or soccer, is a serous game in which fans dress up and paint...

Confessions in a Bottle: the Genie

I was sitting in a bar, minding my own business, drinking my third Corona while trying not to get the lemon slice in my eye, when I spied a small piece of parchment hiding in the bottom of the bottle. Using the stem of a disposable cocktail umbrella, that I seized from the frozen glass belonging to the girl sitting next to me, I slowly fished it out. After having recovered from the slap across the face that the girl gave me before getting up and leaving the bar, I commenced to read what was written on the parchment.

I you are reading this note, you should be aware that I, the Genie of the Bottle, have left my post and am no longer available at this location to grant you your three wishes. I know that this fact is a bit of a letdown, to say the least, but please look at my side of the story. I have been trapped , in this Mexican beer bottle for almost four years. And let me tell you that life in a Mexican beer bottle is not all it’s cut out to be. Sure I get to drink beer all day, but that’s about it. Why, you might fairly ask, was I destined to get stuck here in the first place. Good question, and since you didn’t get your wishes I guess I at least owe you that. Well it was all because of my big mouth. I was in this cheap bar south of the border, trying to explain to four sombrero carrying machos that Corona is a girls drink and they should drink something more manly like a Bud or a Guinness. Some guys have no sense of humor. I must have passed out then, but next morning I woke with one hell of a hangover, entrapped in this bottle. They didn’t even provide me with a lemon. And he I slept for over a thousand days before making my getaway when my beer bottle was sent to the recycling center.

If you have read this far without smashing the bottle you will pleased to know that I have enclosed a free coupon redeemable thru 11/2012 for a free wish at the Trevi Fountain in Rome (no coins necessary). If you are unable to get to Rome, the coupon is also good for a bag of from the Shining Buddha fortune cookies.