Ever since the creation of the world, man has been trying to find the answers to the eternal question. Generation after generation of scientists, philosophers and pub visitors have spent years trying to find the answers. Though millions of pages have been written suggesting possible causes, it would be safe to say that we are still generations away from concluding  why, dammit, did the chicken cross the road? To help finally answer this question a forum of the worlds foremost minds met at a deserted branch of KFG just off route 80, south of Wayne N.J. The conference was chaired by Simon Cowell

Each of the participants has 90 seconds to make their case. They were divided into three groups

The Classic Answers:


Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed

the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

Wordsworth: o wander lonely as a cloud.

Othello: Jealousy.

Hamlet:: That is not the question.

Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious,

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Sherlock Holmes: It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player did not also cross.

The Politicians’ Answers


George Washington: Actually, it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don’t reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

Mohammed Aldouri: (Iraqi ambassador): The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Barak Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

Answers from the Media:


Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it  #%^^#^&&#  wanted to. That’s the  *#&@^&^  reason.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Agent Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don’t mind that chicken. It’s from Barcelona.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

.Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? Where do they get these chickens?”

Martha Stewart’s: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr Seuss:

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

Hannibal Lecter, M.D:
I ate her liver. With fava beans.
And a brandied cranberry sauce.

O.J. Simpson: It didn’ t. I was playing golf with the chicken at the time.

Bart Simpson: I will not use a chicken as a frisbee. I will not use a chicken as a frisbee. I will not use a chicken as a frisbee. I will not use…

Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmm . . . . C h i c k e n

COLONEL SAUNDERS: Did I miss one?

Google GmailGoogle ReaderLinkedInDiggShare