The Taite Guide to Chocolate

Chocolate was first invented my the distinguished Roman theologist and inventor Dr. Chocko Lette almost 2000 years ago. Dr Lette  was searching for an original birthday present for his first wife Vanilla Flake. Lette was concerned that Vanilla was gaining too much weight from all the food she   devoured at the all night parties she attended and produced a healthy well balanced diet based entirely on the produce of the cocoa bean. The concept was brilliant in its simplicity. Chocolate is made of cocoa beans. Beans are vegetables. Everyone knows that vegetables are good for your health.  Vanilla Flake Lette took immediately to the idea of eating chocolate. She ate chocolate morning, noon and night and had no craving to take part anymore in the all night parties. Vanilla’s new diet also had an immediate affect on her childbearing. If her pre chocolate days children were all blonde or redheaded, one of them bearing a complexion so pale, he  closely resembled the Emperor, Vanilla’s post chocolate born children all bore the healthiest bright choco color and seemed almost as strong as Gallipor her African man servant.

Many centuries passed before the Chocolate Diet reappeared. Now there are support groups around the globe. Here is an excert from The Sweet Ladies’ Choco Diet Handbook of 2010.
If  you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Q&A
Q:  How do you  get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
A:  Simple: Eat it in the parking lot.

Q: My husband says I should worry about calories when eatng chocolate. WHat is your advice?
A: If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Q: If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that considered a balanced diet?
A: Of course. dark and white chocolate counteract each other.

Q: People at the office tell me chocolate has many preservatives. Should that be a concern?
A: Of course not. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q: My chololate couch says that chocolate is much better than therapy. Why is that?
A: Chocolate is much cheaper and you don’t need to make an appointment.

Diet tips:
Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?
If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?
In chocolate you wll find the four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate , and chocolate truffles.

Time Management tip:
Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

Chocolate Quotes

Man cannot live on chocolate alone; but woman sure can.

Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.

Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies.

Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.