HIM and HER

 

DIVORCE:  Future tense of marriage

KISSING:  A means of getting two people so close together that they can’t see anything wrong with each other.

PARK:  Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.”  After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

MARRIAGE:

1) The dawn of romance and the commencement of history
 2) A word that should be pronounced as “mirage”; 
3) A process much like a cafeteria – you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best – and pay later; 
4) An event which is called “tying the knot” – unfortunately, the knot can be a noose; 
5) A word which always means commitment – but so does insanity; 
6) The alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and the other who never forgets them; 
7) The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;
8) In America, is the only legal method of suppressing freedom of speech; 
9) The ceremony which provides a man with something that, sooner or later, he will find he can’t blame on the government; 
10) In Japanese is called “Judo” – the art of conquering by yielding. This is the western equivalent of “Yes, dear”; 
 
HOUSEKEEPER: A lady who kicks her husband out and keeps the house

A THINGY:

Female: Any part under a car’s hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

VULNERABLE: 

Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION: 

Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

COMMITMENT:

Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT: 

Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

MAKNG LOVE:

Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL:

Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes
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