The Taite Guide to Project Management
Project Management Life as a project manager is comparable to a mountain climber's. The big difference being that when you get to the peak you find there is no safe way down. Whenever I get really down, my wife reminds me that it takes one women nine months to have a baby and no matter how you try it is impossible to perform the same feat in one month by impregnating nine women. It was a beautiful ...
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...
Cruise vacations: 10 things they never told you about
1. The pictures of the young girls in the slim bikinis were taken 30 years ago. You get the updated version. 2. The round the clock, all you can eat buffets aren't half as appealing when you've spent your day throwing up over the port side of the ship. 3. If you want to avail yourself of one of the ten available treadmills you must sign up on the first day and with a bit of luck you'll get your 15 minutes...
Adventures in a Japanese Loo
A foreigner's first experience with a Japanese toilet could easily be compared with a teenagers first experience with love. You meet this gorgeous girl during the school recess but you have no idea what to do about it. No-one has given you an instructions manual. The same can be said about Japanese washlets - right you really don't want to call it a toilet any more than you'd call a Jaguar E-Type Roaster a car - t...
You know you're really pregnant when
...that creepy guy on the train who is unable to extract the finger from his nostril and who wears a torn pair of black bell bottom jeans, gets up to give you a seat. ...the guy at the local convenience store starts wrapping pickles for you before you even get to the counter. ...your homeroom teacher suggests that you both have a little ...
How to Get Fired in 5 Days
Jan Janson was an expert at everything. He could read computer dumps in his sleep (and often did), produced perfect code, was always ahead of his deadline and magically produced wonderful cafe latte from the office coffee machine. He was popular with the girls, admired by the men and a perfect candidate for management. That was before he decided to get fired and leave for a better position with the competition. It ...
Adventures in a Japanese Loo
A foreigner's first experience with a Japanese toilet could easily be compared with a teenagers first experience with love. You meet this gorgeous girl during the school recess but you have no idea what to do about it. No-one has given you an instructions manual. The same can be said about Japanese washlets - right you really don't want to call it a toilet any more than you'd call a Jaguar E-Type Roaster a car - t...
The Taite Guide to Celebrity Trash Cans
Celebrity Trash Cans We sent the Tate Gallery roving reporter around the globe to delve into the trash cans of the rich and famous. Here is what he found. Madonna - Unread paperback copy of Sex in the City Sharon Stone - Bestselling novel How to become rich and famous without getting out of Bed Jennifer Aniston - Angelina Jolie voodoo doll with detached head. Jay Leno - Conan O' Brian voodoo doll w...
10 new work laws we'd like to see
"All work and no play" well I think it's time to put a n end to all that. Here are ten ways to do it: After a holiday or office party someone automatically brings a double dose of espresso to your desk and no sly remarks about a possible hangover are allowed. - If your boss pisses you off twice in one week you are granted an immediate, paid one day vacation - Coffee served at work must not taste like ...
Morning Zombies
You walk them, You feed them, You tidy up after them - you are one fine canine zombie. At the witching hour, Early morning, The zombies are walking the streets. With only one eye open, The slumber just broken The cyclops admits his defeat. The sidewalks deserted, Their life is inverted By four legs that are attached to a leash. Holy cow it's a weekend But they are ruled by the ...
50 Things to do before you hit the bucket
Everyone hits the bucket sometime so why not have some fun on the way. Here are some suggestions. Find Big Foot Stand on Big Foots foot Run the Arctic marathon making sure you the enormous white bear behind you stays there. Spend a night at the Paris Hilton Spend a night with Paris Hilton Find Waldo then donate him the home for Lost Souls Go to the airport and take the first plane flying o...
The Taite Guide to Prisons for the Rich and Famous
Some Inmates have all the luck! "Gentlemen, I am warden Walter W. Felon III and I would like to welcome you all to the Beverly Hills Confinement Facility for the Rich and Famous. We don't like to think of it as a prison, more a home away from home with bars. We hope that your stay with us will be a happy and fulfilling one and promise to make every effort to meet your demands. To help do this I h...
Cruise vacations: 10 things they never told you about
1. The pictures of the young girls in the slim bikinis were taken 30 years ago. You get the updated version. 2. The round the clock, all you can eat buffets aren't half as appealing when you've spent your day throwing up over the port side of the ship. 3. If you want to avail yourself of one of the ten available treadmills you must sign up on the first day and with a bit of luck you'll get your 15 minutes...
The Taite Guide to Celebrity Trash Cans
Celebrity Trash Cans We sent the Tate Gallery roving reporter around the globe to delve into the trash cans of the rich and famous. Here is what he found. Madonna - Unread paperback copy of Sex in the City Sharon Stone - Bestselling novel How to become rich and famous without getting out of Bed Jennifer Aniston - Angelina Jolie voodoo doll with detached head. Jay Leno - Conan O' Brian voodoo doll w...
50 Things You Shouldn't Try Doing
Taking a shower while boiling a hard boiled egg. Wearing socks with holes in them while visiting a mosque. Eating sushi with a knife and fork in a Tokyo restaurant. Eating M&Ms with a knife and fork if you're not appearing on a sitcom. Posting a nude photograph of your ex-boss on Facebook - people have gone missing presumed dead for less. Bungee jumping over the George Washington Bridge while 7...

Confessions in a Bottle: A Plead from the Home

A plead from the home

Please help me. I am a Japanese Baguette baker and have been kidnapped by the men in white. I am being held in a house of elderly CIA agents disguised as old age pensioners. No one is really listening to me but I have it on good authority (Jack the undercover MI5 agent dressed as a cleaner) that I have a ransom of 10 million dollars on my head.
If you find this bottle before 2020, please see to the ransom. I have hidden my life savings, approximately 17 ½ million dollars in a saki pitcher at the back of the Japanese restaurant See U Soon in Manhattan on the corner of Fifth Ave and 43nd street. You may need the extra money for your flight to the U.S. And the bribe at customs so be my guest.

Akiko Juan Landsman

P.S. If it is not too much trouble could you also bring a double big mac and super size fries. The food here is terrible. Oh and Jack wants a kids meals.