Avatar II Auditions: The Revenge of the Canines
It was inevitable. After the success of the first movie the web was full of rumors and speculations regarding the sequel (obviously the first of many). Mini (my wonderdog) had already got a head start on me. It’s easy for her, she doesn’t have to hold down a day job and commute every morning and evening. She is entitled to free bed and board and can sleep all day if she choses, which she does after she has conscientiously woken me at 6:30 AM even on a Saturday. So, needless to say, she has plenty of time to surf and was first to find the site announcing the auditions for the Avatar sequel. To my surprise they were casting dogs for the second movie and the announcement hinted that the story called for a revolt of house pets who believed they were entitled to equal rights.
The idea that Mini could finally start earning her keep started appealing to me, and lets face it, it was her idea, let her deal with the consequences. The blue tan necessary for the part was the easy part. I filled a bath full of blue dye with meat leftovers and she was instantly a Navi warrior dog supreme. Getting her to wear the armour was a different story and I bear the wounds to prove it (my doctor was sure I had been attacked by a Rottweiler). After she had done her damage and I had returned home with 17 stitches, Mini was quite happy to escort me to the auditions.
From the amount of dogs and owners lining the sidewalk outside the studio where the auditions were beng held, you could be forgiven for mistaking it for the queue to American Idol. Many of the candidates came au naturale – fat chance they had of being picked out from the masses. I wasn’t sure how many dogs they were set to hire but I have to tell you that we were in for some fierce competition, and I emphasize fierce. Mini took one look at the mobster four legged beasts ahead of her in line and chickened out royally.
As small as she is, it took all of my strength to stop her from dragging me home feet first. We didn’t talk of the fiasco again for several days. Mini totally ignored the subject and I wasn’t about to sob to her about all the money we might have earned. It was only when I came home from work the following Monday that I discovered that she had returned to surfing. The headlines on Itsadogslife.com sade it all.
Exclusive; After a tiring and painful set of auditions, during which it became necessary to hospitalize more than half of his staff, James Cameron has suddenly announced that he won’t be using live canines in his Avatar sequel. Utilizing his computer generated imagery and advanced stereoscopic filming methods, Cameron will call on multiple images of Brian Griffin to fight the white skinned invaders.