2009 was a bad year for amusement parts. The financial crises together with the opening up of new venues in Dubai and Macao cut profits heavily. In an attempt to fight back, amusement parks across the U.S. And Europe are opening new, more challenging rides that will hopefully help return the masses.

Here, exclusively, is a look at the top ten new rides due to open this summer.

1.Civil Servant Drownarama. In this ride you are driven through Bureaucracy Galore on top of a pile of forms made out in triplicate. Every time you spy a civil servant you must drown him immediately using the provided blue stapler or face being backlogged and starting the ride from the beginning.
2.The B Movie Wonder. You are the producer, director and screenwriter for a movie starring Britney Spears, Madonna and Paris Hilton. You have five minutes to put together a story, approve the wardrobes and walk the dogs. Should be a piece of cake. Oh course you must do it all blindfolded.
3.The Get Ready Experience – You get to jam with the veterans of pop group Rare Earth using a stringless guitar. This ride goes on and on and on and on until someone bribes the control man to switch tracks.
4.The Eurostar Breakdown. What can be more fun than being trapped underwater for 15 hours on a train in complete darkness. Weird things are sure to happen. Many surprises are promised. Watch out for the pinchers.
5.Jurassic Parking – park your dino at the local McDonald in less than twenty minutes then try and eat your whopper without your ‘saurus gobbling it up first. Best tip – to change into reverse try begging .

6.Big Mama. You are locked up in a villa for over an hour with the nastiest bunch of rapists, serial murders and hitmen ever to escape the walls of San Quentin. Get your chance at hosting a remote cable late late night talk show if you escape alive.
7.Garbage Chute. The ultimate 4D ride. After four minutes aboard even your most loyal friends will refuse your company.
8.Iranian Air Drop. This ride shoots you up in a two seat pre World War II bomber with no pilot. You have six minutes to successfully land the plane on an American runway without being shot down by the U.S. Coast guard before the bomb aboard makes you history.
9.Invasion of the White House. This ride is for kiddies. To succeed, all the need to do is talk themselves into a White House dinner and take a digital photo to prove it.
10.YouTube Extravaganza. You have seven minutes to create the stupidest video clip ever to be uploaded to YouTube. Each month the worst clips of the bunch will compete for a place in the YouTube Extravagaza Final to be broadcast during the intermission of the next SuperBowl, the grand prize being a chance to reexperience all the rides hitherto mentioned at no further cost.

Google GmailGoogle ReaderLinkedInDiggShare