The Taite Guide to Gift Shops
Museums were first invented in Paris, France by Jean Paul Yurr Hedoff in 1789. Jean was employed by Doctor Joseph-Ignace Guillotin as a cleaner upper or as they called it in those days a nettoyeur de têtes. It was Jean's job to clean up the mess after a Guillotine. The poor man found that after a few weeks he had quite a collection of disembodied heads and blood stained clothing and a growing crowd of visitors who wa...
Morning Zombies
You walk them, You feed them, You tidy up after them - you are one fine canine zombie. At the witching hour, Early morning, The zombies are walking the streets. With only one eye open, The slumber just broken The cyclops admits his defeat. The sidewalks deserted, Their life is inverted By four legs that are attached to a leash. Holy cow it's a weekend But they are ruled by the ...
Office Tennis: Game Set and Swat! Sometimes you have to act dirty
Some games are hard to win. Take Office Tennis for Instance. Game I got to work one morning Around a quarter to ten. I sipped my coffee, read my Inbox, And it was that then I could feel a funny itching From beneath my clothes. Then I realized a fly had squatted On my nose. I tried to swat it with my backhand, Blot it with my forehand Chase it to the door and Make my name. But i...
Avatar II Auditions: The Revenge of the Canines
It was inevitable. After the success of the first movie the web was full of rumors and speculations regarding the sequel (obviously the first of many). Mini (my wonderdog) had already got a head start on me. It's easy for her, she doesn't have to hold down a day job and commute every morning and evening. She is entitled to free bed and board and can sleep all day if she choses, which she does after she has c...
How to Get Fired in 5 Days
Jan Janson was an expert at everything. He could read computer dumps in his sleep (and often did), produced perfect code, was always ahead of his deadline and magically produced wonderful cafe latte from the office coffee machine. He was popular with the girls, admired by the men and a perfect candidate for management. That was before he decided to get fired and leave for a better position with the competition. It ...
The History of Dating
The Caveman Era - the first date He: Uggh She: Uggh yourself He bangs her over head and drags her into the cave. Date over! ================== Romeo and Juliet Romeo [To Juliet] If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. JULIET [to her nurse] I swear, I don't...
The Taite Guide to Gift Shops
Museums were first invented in Paris, France by Jean Paul Yurr Hedoff in 1789. Jean was employed by Doctor Joseph-Ignace Guillotin as a cleaner upper or as they called it in those days a nettoyeur de têtes. It was Jean's job to clean up the mess after a Guillotine. The poor man found that after a few weeks he had quite a collection of disembodied heads and blood stained clothing and a growing crowd of visitors who wa...
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...
The Blonde Guide to Flying
Now you don't have to worry about going abroad and accidentally boarding the plane to Afghanistan, the newly published "International Flying Guide for Blondes" will tell you everything you need to know to when flying abroad. Condensed into 12 detailed pages (yes there are pictures), this book is a must for every blonde who couldn't find her way out of the duty free or work out how to extract the complimentary h...
How to Get Rich Without Really Trying
You want to get rich fast. There's only one big problem. Your skint! Your bank balance is in the red, your bank manager refuses to return your calls, your family have disowned you and the national sweepstakes refuses to chose your lucky numbers. All is lost. Not quite my friend. There are still opportunities out there to make money from thin air - literally. Here is a list of some possible options and because I'm...
The Internet Academy: An On-Line Syllabus for the Geeks of Tomorrow
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu is a real place. It is the name of an existing hill in New Zealand, or so the Internet claims.This comes from the same people who tell me that goldfish have a memory span of three seconds (how anyone measured that I don't know), and giraffes can't sing. The Internet is the basis for all our knowledge now. We have no choice but to believe...
What the Queen said, and what she really meant
"Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements." English interpretation: "My sister's a lush, my daughter in law bollimic, my son insists on making it out with a cow, my husband's so senile that he tries to put it in the vacuum cleaner and my favorite Corgi has eloped to America." --- "It's all to do with the training: you c...
Minuet: the future Twitter worth at least $1 billion
I'm the sort of guy who has all these great ideas but am unable to do anything with them, which is the reason my apartment is not next to Bill Gates mansion (or Hugh Hefner's for that matter). Some clever kids came up with Facebook , Twitter and Youtube and now take their baths in French champagne on their private 767 jet. Well I have this great idea which I will reveal in a minute, and if someone out there d...
What the Queen said, and what she really meant
"Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements." English interpretation: "My sister's a lush, my daughter in law bollimic, my son insists on making it out with a cow, my husband's so senile that he tries to put it in the vacuum cleaner and my favorite Corgi has eloped to America." --- "It's all to do with the training: you c...
Commercials from the Real World
Having hard day? Your boss doesn't understand you? Your bank account overdrawn? Your bank manager doesn't understand you? We have just the escape for you. For a limited time only join us on a Homeless Weekend. No necessity to pack any fancy clothes, come as you are and experience a life with no commitments. And just to prove to you how serious we are we'll throw in 3 complementary meals at the Downtown Ki...

The Run Away Alarm Clock

It is 6:45 A.M. and the alarm clock rings. I lazily reach over and turn it off. Giving a slight yawn I slowly open my eyes, swing my legs over the side of the bed and get up casually to a new day full of newborn challenges.
Yes we’ve all all seen that science fiction movie dozens of times over the years. That is the reason somebody came up with Clocky the runaway alarm clock. The idea behind Nanda’s cute clock is that once the alarm goes off, it runs away and you have to run after it in order to turn it off, thus forcing you to get out of bed.

Look at Clocky Go

More Weird Alarm Clocks

The Sfera alarm clock hangs from the ceiling above your bed. When the alarm goes off, you can reach up and touch it to activate the snooze function causing it retract towards the ceiling. When snooze goes off again, you have to reach higher to activate the snooze again. Each time you activate the snooze function the alarm retracts a little higher to the point that you get your butt out of bed.

The Puzzle Alarm wakes you up by firing three puzzle pieces up in the air, then it is your mission to get the pieces and put them back in the alarm clock or it won’t turn off until then.

The interactive alarm clock with a unique personality goes by the name, Nooby. To see what time the alarm is set you simply ask him and he reads the current alarm setting and assures you it’ll go off. When your favorite time of the morning comes around, he’ll beep and say, “Rise and shine, it’s time to get up!”. When you go back to sleep and don’t turn the alarm off right away, he’ll beep again, but this time he gets nasty, “Take your fingers out of your ears!”. To put an end to this harassing wake up call, you simply ring the clock’s blue neck. If he senses that you are angry, he’ll get grumpy and ignore you.

A laser beam aimed at the exact center of the target is the only way to turn off the alarm sound in the morning. When the laser hits the target the alarm is turned off for 24 hours and goes off at the same time the next day. The alarm will always do this until manually de-activated or the alarm time changes. When you wake up to an alarm and you have to concentrate to carefully aim the laser beam at the target, you’ll be suitably awake so as not to easily fall back asleep.