Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiakitnatahu is a real place. It is the name of an existing hill in New Zealand, or so the Internet claims.This comes from the same people who tell me that goldfish have a memory span of three seconds (how anyone measured that I don’t know), and giraffes can’t sing. The Internet is the basis for all our knowledge now. We have no choice but to believe in it. It is the new God. How else would I discover that some lions mate over fifty times a day or that Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg’s Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce masturbation.
(read more here). Many of us know that Buddy Holly’s airplane  was called American Pie, thus the song title by Don Mclean, but I bet you never learned in high-school music classes  that most toilets flush in E flat and cars honk in the key of F. Welcome to the University of Tomorrow.



   Students of 2010 welcome to WWW High. Forget all your boring lessons, we promise you much more fun in the classroom, and you can study direct from your local beach or treehouse. Take your time to acquaint yourself with our subjects. To help you feel at home (Oh sorry, you are at home), here in my opening, first day address I would like to acquaint you with some of the subjects taught here.



 Physics I 
A cat falls off the seventh floor of a building. It has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. (Answer: It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself).
We have done away with all the stupid textbook nonsense taught in yesteryear.Now you can learn the fun way.


Explore our fascinating Modern History class where among other crucial facts you’ll learn that 

Prince Charles is an avid collecter of toilet seats,  Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy and

style="color: black;">Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
Biology will teach you that conception occurs mostly in December and babies are most likely to be born on a Tuesday.Only in our expansive Nature classes will you discover that there are more plastic flamingos in the U.S that there are real ones, the amzing fact that an ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated and that the pupils of a goats eyes are square.

In Sports you may challenge the world record for spitting a watermelon seed (65 feet 4 inches) 

Geography will teach you that the name of all continents in the world end with the same letter that they start with.
 I am especially proud of our Chemistry classes, once a hated subject my most students, wherein you’ll learn that pearls melt in vinegar and grapes explode when put in the microwave.

And of course in the Internet Academy your parents can sleep soundly, well aware that you are in the capable hands of Walton Wanderer Washabough, or Wally to my trillions of friends.
 

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