My life was going all right, five days roughing it at work in order to spend two days of rest. The schedule was working fine until one night I came home to find my wife waiting for me with a curious smile on her face. I know that I should have made a run for it but past experience had taught me that there is no escape – all was crystal clear.
   “Ruth and Manny have invited us to a dinner party.”
 The first time she had sprung this kind of announcement on me I was still quite innocent. Now I knew better.
   “We can’t go honey”, I returned a bit too quickly.
   “Why in heavens name not?”
    Now in such a situation there’s really only one form of escape.
   “We’re going away”
   “In the middle of November?”
   “It was supposed to be a surprise, for our anniversary, I….”
   “But we got married in August. Anyway, I can’t go away, there’s no way they’ll give me leave from work”.
    The first catastrophe you have to face when being invited to a dinner party is what present to buy.

I’ll never forget the first dinner party we went to and brought a bottle of wine. What did I know, I was a real rookie. Of course everyone else bought huge plants, expensive knick knacks, and conversation pieces, each specifically gift wrapped to make the right statement: I am expensive.
    A dinner party normally goes on for three to four hours. Purchasing the right gift is an art that demands careful planning and might consume the better part of a week. Of course this is childs play compared to the time it takes to decide what to wear. Oh it’s easy for us men, any old clean shirt and pants will do but for the better half – peace treaties have been signed in less time. Luckily with five overlarge malls in within a ten miles radius and a few well placed outlets this task shouldn’t take longer than a fortnight – four weeks at the most. This is the main reason that invitations to dinner parties are given well in advance.

   The evening finally arrives. We have been prewarned that in consideration of the economic crisis, the poverty of the third world and the danger of global warming, the emphasis will be on simple food.  They of course were lying through their teeth. We arrived fashionably late, only to find we were first and the hostess was still upstairs changing. As the master of the house was busy seasoning the Sesame Tilapia and trying not to ruin the Yakitori Don, I carefully placed the golden wrapped knickknack we’d purchased for the price of a small Honda on the small round table behind the door, alongside the banana cellfoam (someone’s been reading by blog it would seem).
   The main problem ahead, of course, was the food, for beside the Yakitori and the Tilapia resided the Ginger Glazed Mahi Mahi and several other dishes who’s names I have forgotten and I knew at that specific moment that, as Leonard Cohen had  rightly put it, “I’ve seen the future baby, it is murder”.
  We’re in our car on our way home, me thinking that I have made a clean getaway, when lightening struck.
   “You know Steve, I think it’s time for us to give a dinner party.”
I am struck dumb. Not a word escapes my lips.
   “Of course, nothing extravagant. They really went a bit overboard, don’t you think? Anyway who says dinner parties have to be so much work. It will be fun.”
A stray tear slowly ran down the side of my face. I was doomed.

To Be Continued …..

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