Best humor blog for everyday life
Dreams from a Parent Teacher Conference
I went to yet another parents teacher conference last night. My youngest kid is graduating high school this coming year so after that I am finally looking forward to a reprieve. One thing I can say about parent teacher conferences is that they are invariably the same year after year after year.
The evening starts with the Principal’s address where she tells you how, during the oncoming school year, the faculty will do its best to save the environment, make perfect citizens out of our hormone bursting adolescents and enrich our world by helping banish the word da from their vocabulary (depending on the era replace da wth groovy, cool or whatever best fits).
For her yearly address the Principal invariably turns to two wonders of modern science; the school public address system and a projection of a powerpoint presentation. Neither of them ever work.
“I am glad to welcome you all here tonight” she starts and then goes into pantomime. The janitor, who for some reason is also in charge of all the technical equipment at school – will they never learn – is nowhere to be found. Eventually the posse of deputies find his place of hibernation and he gets into action, playing with every knob available.
“Can you all hear me without the mike” offers the Principal, then ignores the chant from the parents seated in the back five rows and commences with the presentation.
No, no-one has ever informed her that the screen has to be large enough so that at least those in the first three rows are able to make out what is being displayed on it. Another interesting tip for the uninformed employees of public education – YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE and even if you think otherwise please don’t stant in front of the screen.
After several unsuccesful attempts at fixing the speaker system the Janitor comes to the conclusion that there is something wrong with the current and turns off the electricity. So now we have no sound or picture and the priest in the fourth row let’s out a prayer to the angel at Microsoft to please let the computer boot successfully.
Now I here you sceptics out there saying, the man’s being too harsh. Everyone has a bad day sometimes. Here I would like to correct you. This isn’t a bad day, this is a tradition. This is the third year running that this has happened making you wonder if someone up there is trying to make a point.
And on the saga goes. When the janitor finally gets the mike working there is a godly echo. O.K. I can live with the echo , just please let it all be over already, I want to go home. Finally the principal steps down and we all crawl off to our kids classrooms to meet with the home room teacher. That is those of us, yours truly included, who are too stupid not to have escaped home while the lights were out. Trapped in the grasp of the home room teacher, we immediately receive a twenty minute encore of everything the Principal had previously rendered, and from there it is all downhill sailing.
Which brings me to the point – there has to be a point right? There I am, sitting in the classroom, playing with my Iphone held under the desk hoping not to get caught, and I suddenly have a brainstorm
“Can you all hear me without the mike” offers the Principal, then ignores the chant from the parents seated in the back five rows and commences with the presentation.
No, no-one has ever informed her that the screen has to be large enough so that at least those in the first three rows are able to make out what is being displayed on it. Another interesting tip for the uninformed employees of public education – YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE and even if you think otherwise please don’t stant in front of the screen.
After several unsuccesful attempts at fixing the speaker system the Janitor comes to the conclusion that there is something wrong with the current and turns off the electricity. So now we have no sound or picture and the priest in the fourth row let’s out a prayer to the angel at Microsoft to please let the computer boot successfully.
Now I here you sceptics out there saying, the man’s being too harsh. Everyone has a bad day sometimes. Here I would like to correct you. This isn’t a bad day, this is a tradition. This is the third year running that this has happened making you wonder if someone up there is trying to make a point.
And on the saga goes. When the janitor finally gets the mike working there is a godly echo. O.K. I can live with the echo , just please let it all be over already, I want to go home. Finally the principal steps down and we all crawl off to our kids classrooms to meet with the home room teacher. That is those of us, yours truly included, who are too stupid not to have escaped home while the lights were out. Trapped in the grasp of the home room teacher, we immediately receive a twenty minute encore of everything the Principal had previously rendered, and from there it is all downhill sailing.
Which brings me to the point – there has to be a point right? There I am, sitting in the classroom, playing with my Iphone held under the desk hoping not to get caught, and I suddenly have a brainstorm
There’s money hidden here somewhere. And then I hit on it. For the right price I could hire someone to replace me at these meetings. O.K. a robot may be too obvious but some middle aged guy with my height and build and maybe a bit more hair. Sure, that would do the job. And while I think of it , beside walking the dog and taking down the garbage, he could easily fill in at weddings – I don’t give a damn how the bride looks or if the sushi is edible. The young couple would happily settle for the cheque and someone to go through the motions on the dance floor. A Steve lookalike who could actually dance would be so much of an improvement.
Think about it for a minute. This could work for Christenings – “Oh what a cute baby” or Barmitzahs ” Oh hasn’t he grown tall?” And what about funerals – even better, you don’t have to bring a check. Yes I shall be giving this idea for a startup a lot of thought in the coming weeks (I’m invited to four functions that I know about and given the swine flue a couple of funerals are inevitable.
