Best humor blog for everyday life
Archive for September, 2009
Susan Boyle – A wild horse or just another stray nag?
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It would seem that more words have been written about Susan Boyle in the last few months than about the nuclear showoff in Iran, which seems to say something about our priorities. The modern day version of Cinderella is flawed by the smell of opportunism but there seems to be a world consensus regarding the need for a new hero. Her long awaited single (in Facebook terms, anything longer than a couple of hours is long awaited) – Wild Horses is out and flooding the internet. Is it as good as expected? Well first it must be said that she and More >
Facebook Shmasebook – Give me a Break
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Six things I love about facebook ( I meant to write ten but then I got distracted)1. People I haven’t spoken to since kindergarden all want to put my birthday in their calendar. Due to this innovation they can send me great virtual presents such as juicy lolly-pops. 2. Poking. Ever since a girl with pigtails and a brace on her teeth used to poke me with her ruler in third grade I’ve really missed this activity. 3. Knowing who my friends friends are. When bored there is nothing more stimulating than discovering that Patricia Longgone (no I don’t remember More >
No Sympathy for the Devil
With apologies to Mick
Please allow me to introduce myselfI’m the short man with the gun.I huff and I puff but It isn’t enoughTo get my mission done.Some people suffice with collecting riceBut I like uranium.When I’ve finished what I came to doYou won’t think it’s all fun.
Pleased to meet youCan you pronounce my nameAnd make no mistakeI have plenty around to blame.
I intend to rewrite the history booksWe all know that the’re all lies.My truth is a more convenient oneIn my books no one dies.I’ve rubbed out all of Adolph’s fareAnd the talk of twin towers that were never there
Pleased More >
Mark Knopfler: Get Lucky – do we?
Reviewing the latest Mark Knopfler album is problematic. To give him justice, you have to forget the fact that he was the main force behind Dire Straits, responsible for such great songs as Sultan of Swing, Brothers in Arms and the gorgeous Romeo and Juliet. This is no easy feat, for Mark Knopfler the solo artist bares no resemblance to these roots. He feeds us melancholic celtic melody with a touch of the blues and the haunting guitar he has made his signature. Songs that you can feel safe putting on the stereo first thing in the morning to listen to More >
British Radio Comedy: Goon but not Forgotten
The Goon show is probably the most famous, popular and idiotic radio show ever to hit the air. The combined talent of Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe can’t be beaten and was a major influence for comedy to come such as I’m sorry I’ll Read that Again, Monty Python, Soap and The Museum of Everything. Milligan did most of the writing and regularly played the parts of Eccles, Minnie and the devious Moriarty, Sellers was Bluebottle, Henry Crun, Major Bllodnok, Hercules Grytpype Thynne and of course Secombe was Neddie Seagoon. One of the most popular running jokes More >
On the street where I Live
There are ghosts hiding in my closetThere are zombies walking down my streetThere’s a three legged lady with a husband named Maybe,Not a couple you really want to meet.There’s a hound dog named MattWho thinks he’s a catAnd a parrot who lives by the door.Plus the woman belowWho is always on showShe keeps shouting she has to have moreHas to have more.
There’s a fungus that breeds in my freezerWhen it grows up, will become a small tribe.Mr. Wrong on the corner is a perpetual mournerSo how come he’s the last one alive.When you visit my street, Yo make light with the More >
Iphone Gems: Sushipedia
There was a time when a quick fast bite meant your local hamburger joint or ice-cream parlour. Cheap yes, impressive – no way! That was before the revolution. Now if you can’t correctly tell the difference between a Latte, Cafe Breva, Macciato and Cappuchino you are definately not happening and you may have real trouble getting a second date. And then we come to Sushi. Not happy with flooding the world with their electronics and campact automobiles, The Japs sent us their final frontier – the Sushi Bar, and what a brilliant concept it is. A fast food franchise with More >
An Expensive Proposal
Today’s generation is making my life unbearable. It used to be so simple. I could get away with a box of chocolates on Valentine’s Day, a romantic dinner for out anniversary and something that glittered for her birthday. Nowadays I’m being showed up by my own children every time. The first inkling of trouble was when my son announced the fact that he needed the car for his anniversary. “What anniversary?” I asked him innocently, “You’ve only been going out for a month.” What did I know. Ever since, life has been downhill all the way. Now I’ve been known More >
Great Reading: The Plot Against America, Philip Roth
Philip Roth is one of the most prolifically surprising American authors of the 20th and 21st centuries. After achieving international fame with Goodbye Columbus and Portnoy’s Complaint in the sixties, he turned to less popular fiction in the coming years and disappeared from the bestseller lists and the eye of the general public. The Plot against America, first published in 2004 was hailed by critics and readers alike and returned him to the public light. In the book, Roth takes a single historic event from American history and shows, very convincingly, how it could have changed the face of history More >
It’s a Conspiracy: The Appliance Flu
It all started pretty innocently. I got up, brushed my teeth, kissed the wife, rushed off to work and sat at my desk sipping a tasteless cup of coffee counting the hours till the weekend. Then the phone rang. The Washing machines goneI’m all for humor that early in the morning. Where’s it gone to? You can laugh but the downstairs bedroom is flooded and Mini (the dog – see earlier blog) is taking swimming lessons on the balcony. It could be worse.And of course it was.
Not only had the washing machine gone. The new 40 inch top of More >
The Beatles: were they really that good
Now they have finally released the remasted Beatles albums, it seems a good time to reopen the classic argument. The Beatles – the best group of all time or just a matter of timing. Since 09/09/09 I’ve been listening to the fab four round the clock until I couldn’t bear it any more, with mixed emotions (to quote Mick Jagger). As a whole there are a lot of good songs, several great songs and then quite a bit of rubbish some of it downright embarrising, and I’m not just talking about Revolution 9. Let’s start from the very beginning (a More >
Under the Covers – weird, beautiful, funny and unusual covers of the songs we love
Ever since the frst record came out in 1066 (well a bit later really) artists lacking original materal turned to the songs of other artists for salvation. The beatles recorded rock and roll standards like Long Tall Sally and Twist and Shout. Then their own songs got treated – Cockers With a Little Help from my Frends being the best known example. n more recent years we saw O’Conners version of Princes’s Nothing compares to you. And who can forget Tina Turner’s Proud Mary or Jeff Buckley’s Halleluyah. Here are five incredible covers you may not have heard
It’s stupendous, it’s tremendous, it’s a supermarket!
Once upon a time supermarkets were small enough they didn’t necessitate a GPS.
I remember as a kid walking through the West End of London and coming upon a small store pretending to be holding an auction.
If you buy this pocket camera for a tenner I’ll throw in six bars of chocolate, a transistor radio (remember them?), two packs of cards, a vegetable shredder and an oversized teddy bear.
.Modern supermarkets try to offer a similar fantasy.
The supers of yesterday are now mega, jumbo, giant stores, some the size of a small republic. True if you search hard enough they More >
Adventures with a taxi driver
I’m a commuter, something I’m not ashamed of. Among other things it gives me free time to write this blog. Most mornings I catch a taxi to the station. I’m not much of a talker in the morning, but some of the drivers fail to appreciate this. It is a major achievement that during a seven minute journey the driver can tell me the complete story of his life down to the most minute and personal detail. After such a journey I know why he has been divorced three times, how much alimony he plays and the amount of abortions More >
The Great Twitter Novel: A Stab in the Dark
Over the years literature has shrunk. From novels bordering on a thousand pages, so popular up till the middle of the twentieth century (Homer and Dicken’s works come to mind), to 70 illustrated pages with large print (Jonathan Livingstone Seagull). Now the age of the Twitter is here – obviously meant for twits of all ages. So here is my first Twitter novel. Every word a gem. Soon to be released in hardcover for the bargain price of $14.99.
A Stab In the DarkLate home, no lights, she looks in kitchen for candle. A noise! Taking a knife she nears the sound. BOO cries b.friend Enough is enough she sobs and stabs him More >
Currently from Current: The Rotton Tomato Show
Anyone with an Iphone or Ipod Touch can easily download audio or video podcasts via Itunes. Many of the podcasts, that promise TV shows on the fly, actually offer no more than two minute teasers and are really not worth the effort. The guys from http://www.current.com/ offer the real thing – full half hour shows without commercial breaks. The shows are full of comic interludes though the actual reviews are 100% serious. The most fullfilling show from current, in my mind, is the Rotten Tomatoes Show, hosted by the talented Brett Erlich and Ellen Fox. The show borrows it’s reviews More >
Jeff Dunham – Ventriloquist/ stand up comic extraordinaire
Jeff Dunham is the uncrowned king of Youtube. Over 95 million viewers have seen his Ahmed sketch and many others. For those of you you have yet to meet Ahmed the dead terrorist with an attitude and those who want to renew their tears here’s your chance.
Adele 19
It is very rare that a fresh young artist comes out with a first album that is not only refreshing but different and original. Janis Ian and Tracy Chapman come to mind, but I would be hard pressed to find someone really impressive in the last decade. Then along comes a nineteen year old music student named Adele Laurie Blue Adkins who understandably uses the stage name of Adele.
Most of the new female singers that have sprung from nowhere since the outbreak of the new millennium neatly fit into categories. There are the Britney look and sound alikes (too More >
The Dinner Party
My life was going all right, five days roughing it at work in order to spend two days of rest. The schedule was working fine until one night I came home to find my wife waiting for me with a curious smile on her face. I know that I should have made a run for it but past experience had taught me that there is no escape – all was crystal clear. “Ruth and Manny have invited us to a dinner party.” The first time she had sprung this kind of announcement on me I was still quite innocent. Now More >
Books That Changed my Life: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
O.K. so you reckon, what the hell is this guy going on about. It was alright when he stuck to simple fiction, but now Zen. Geeze!! Throughout the years I’ve read a lot of books, and more or less forgotten most of them, but among them are a handful of great books that had a real influence on me and helped form my adult character. I don’t want to bother you with the obvious choices – the Bible, Hamlet, Lord of the Rings. You’ve all been there I’m sure.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance ( from now on More >
